Relationships With Men

Hi guys, it's Cliff from Cliff's List and I have

a special guest tonight, Debbie Longo, who's

going to be sharing with us her advice and tips

and all her ideas about how men can be more successful

with women. Debbie, maybe you can take a few

minutes and introduce yourself, tell the guys

a little bit about who you are, what you do,

and I guess why they should want to have some

advice from you. Thank you very much. I appreciate

it. My name is Debbie. I'm an executive behavioral

coach. And I have done a lot of different types

of coaching for the past 25 years that I've been

in this business. I thought that the executive

coaching, helping business owners and executives,

bosses would be good because during COVID, I

saw a lot of companies go out of business. And

these companies did not have to go bankrupt or

lose all their money. When I saw that, I said

to myself, there's something that I have to do

to help these companies. The way that I teach

it, it doesn't matter what's going on in your

environment, in your surroundings. in your workplace.

The main thing is that my behavior and my attitude

and the way that I act at work from the CEO all

the way down to the janitor is going to affect

my workplace. And that will either increase sales

and profits or decrease. And depending on how

you look at it. I can use COVID, I could use

a recession, anything that is going to throw

off a company or is going to make a drastic change,

a drastic shift in something. I can learn that

I can't be affected by these things. And if I

am vulnerable to that, then that's going to affect

my company. and not only is everybody going to

go down with me, then I'm going to have nothing.

I knew all this from all this time of being a

coach. So I thought to myself, I can help people

to learn so this type of thing doesn't happen

to them ever again. I started my executive Coaching

business and I focused it on How does your behavior?

How does everybody's behavior in the workplace?

affect everybody so the bosses or the executives

behavior is going to affect the way that the

employees work and vice versa so One of the things

that I've been focusing on and I just did two

podcasts on this this week is respect in the

workplace. For an example, if my boss respects

me as an employee, then I'm going to respect

my boss back. But if my boss thinks that he can

control me and he can tell me what I should be

doing. even if it's not part of my job duties

or it's not something that I normally do and

ask me to do extra work and not get paid, then

that is not a fair boss, a work environment that

I want to work in. And when those types of things

happen, right away, the negativity goes down.

I don't want to go to work because I don't know.

when the next shoe is going to drop. If I go

into work, what's going to happen today? I don't

want to be that employee. It starts with the

boss. It starts with the executive. That is really

what I teach. So I have consultations, I have

workshops, I have lectures, all different things

that I do that are free. And I will make a detailed

plan for you about how you can be a hundred times

more successful than you are now in your company

and you have no idea that you can be that. You

have no idea that you could even get to this

type of level. It's up to the boss or the business

owner to say, I want to take this chance and

I want to see if this is really going to work

because you don't know if it's going to work.

until you actually see it. I wanna be able to

teach executives, business owners that there

is a healthy way of running a company, running

a business. And everybody will be positive. So

right now, think about in your company, is everybody

negative? Think about it and really be honest

with yourself. or like an inventory kind of thing.

You just go to work, go about your day, see all

the employees, what they're doing, how they're

acting, what they're saying. And then at the

end of the day, you'll take a piece of paper

and write everything down that you see as negative.

If you're really honest with yourself, you really

can see that, then there is a change there that's

possible. But that's going to depend on the business

owner and how much he really wants to face that

fact that there's negativity, disrespect, all

these different things. Maybe you can tell me

how you apply this to helping guys, because that's

really more my focus is not so much on the business

side. It's more on helping guys in their personal

lives with women. Maybe you can give us some

insight into how Some of your coaching is affects

that and and what sort of issues you have to

deal with in here he could go on the internet

and search What are? things setbacks Negative

things that men say this world is very judgmental

and a lot of times people will say a woman Says

this because they're a woman the man acts this

way because he's a man and that's not true Doesn't

have anything to do with gender has to do with

your personality and the way you think So if

I'm a man and I'm gonna go to the look this up

on the internet I'm gonna see all these things

Big ego and I wanna check and see if I'm really

any of these things. Nine times out of ten, they're

going to be negative things. If I don't write

negative or positive, just things that people

say that a man is or qualities in any way that

you really want to phrase it, where you're focusing

towards a man, more focusing towards a gender.

Now, you could look at that list and you could

say, am I really these Crossing off the things

that I'm not on the list and then know if I want

to go find a woman The first thing I want to

do is get rid of all that negativity so that

little list that I find on the internet is really

going to give me like a little guide of how I

am or How I think depends on what I put in and

that could be like a starting point Because sometimes,

but it's been my experience that from working

with people that a lot of people cannot see where

they need improvement. So they're not just going

to blurt it out. They might say, I don't think

there's any problems. Maybe there was a problem

today and tomorrow there won't be. And then once

I get rid of that negativity, And like I said,

I can help with this. I'm just explaining it

very briefly. Then I can build my confidence.

I don't want to build confidence with an ego.

I want to build confidence by raising self -esteem.

And I could use this to find women. I could use

it in the business world. It doesn't matter where

I use it. And that's a whole process. This is

not something where I just say it one day I'm

this way. The next day I say it and everything

is fine. That's not it to get to where it's really

genuine in my heart that I have very high self

-esteem and I can be very positive and if I come

across rejection, so maybe I go out on a date

and a woman doesn't like me or she cancels last

minute. I should be able to handle anything that

comes to me. It doesn't matter what it is with

no problems at all. I say, and then I walk away.

And to get to that point where that is like high

self -esteem, to get to that point is a long

process. Here's the big secret. It's not only

going to happen in relationships, it's going

to happen everywhere I go, whatever I do. business,

personal, love life, family. I do regular life

coaching and we do the four parts of the person's

life, which is family work, love life, wife or

whatever your spouse is. That is the main thing

that I want to look at. in a hundred different

forms, it's really just getting rid of negativity.

But there are so many examples of that. So I

think like, wow, some people are really in love

and they've been married for so long and they've

never had a lot of problems. And then some people

can't even get a date or they can't find somebody

even to maintain a long term relationship with.

And why is that? Well, there's a big difference

between somebody who is positive and they know

in their minds and their heart 100 % that they're

going to find somebody and somebody who's negative

or on the fence, positive one day, negative another

day, and then says they're not going to be sure.

So whatever I say, I'm putting it out to the

universe. And that's going to go if I want to

date. That's gonna go to all the women. And a

woman comes up to me and she's gonna think, I

don't know if he wants to go out with me. Let's

say you're at like a function, a social event,

because I'm putting out that energy that I'm

not really sure if I want somebody. I don't know

if I can do this. i've failed in long term relationships

in the past and i have all this in my head and

i'm thinking all this and that woman comes to

me and she can literally read my mind and she'll

just walk away. So these are some of the things

that these can get complex. And very detailed

but i'm just giving you a basic overview there

are reasons why some people are successful and

some people are. Yeah, there's reasons for that.

It's not just luck Interesting. Is there ways

that you have learned that you can influence

how these things turn out? Make sure they're

on the positive direction I can get a coach Self

-help is popular the internet books podcast social

media and If I do that that will kind of get

my feet wet a little bit might get the wheels

turning in my head. I could maybe go onto YouTube

and in the search put in talks or information

about how men are successful with getting women.

And then I could find information that way. It

will help most likely a little bit, but I want

to have a long -term solution. I want to have

a permanent solution. To me, that's a temporary

solution because I'll say, well, I have this

problem. I agree with this person that I just

heard on YouTube and I'm similar to them and

they fixed it this way. So I think that'll work.

And if you do that, it will work. But then something

else is going to come up. So I want to find out

what is the route to all of these things that

are going on. my head all the negativity and

Now I want to know what the root is to that so

I had a palm tree and The guy wouldn't cut the

stump and I said why he said because there's

a water line under there That stump is gonna

grow back We have to kill the root and if we

don't then the palm tree will grow back I had

two big trees in my backyard, but the roots had

to be grinded because if they weren't then the

tree was going to grow back. I want to be able

to get to the root of the 100 excuses that I

make all the time, every day, all the negativity,

all the reasons why I can't do something, all

the excuses. It's everybody else's fault. It's

not my fault. Look at this girl. She did this

to me. She made me this way. She's the reason

why I can't be in a relationship. Listen to what

I'm saying. See if you can relate to anything

that I've said so far and see if any of this

makes sense to you. You could take your own inventory.

Just like I said in my intro with the businesses

that I do, you could do the same thing and think

about what excuses are you making? What are all

your negative thoughts? because I want to find

out what the root of those thoughts are. Where

are they coming from? And that is a very long

process for most people. Most people might not

be, they might get it right away and then it's

all gone, but that's not really my experience.

Nine times out of 10, it's a very long process.

And then I teach away that that stays away. and

never comes back. That's going to be something

that I'm going to be doing every day, because

sometimes things get ingrained in our brain.

Did you ever hear of, if you delete something

on the computer, it's not deleted? There are

ways to get that back. By doing self work or

coach permanently deleting, All of that stuff,

all that negativity, all those excuses, all those

thoughts, all those behaviors. I'm permanently

deleting that from my brain, but they could come

back. I have formed a habit in my brain and that

cannot be erased. It's unfortunate, but it can't.

That's just the way that the human brain works.

So you, uh, I guess. mostly guys, I guess to

to this path in order to Help them find success

with whatever their problems are whether it is

with women in relationships or business or anything

else It sounds like it's about the behavior It's

about the negativity. It's about being positive.

It's about all these things So everything else

the relationship the job the family the way I

talk to my neighbor The person that I talk to

when I go to Home Depot to look at new kitchen

counters When I call my friends on the phone

or I hang out with them socially all of that

is all outside forces That means nothing I'm

gonna take that and I'm gonna put it aside. I

don't want to think of it I'm focusing on myself,

my behavior, how I'm thinking. And that's what

I'm doing all of the time, every single day for

the rest of my life. You're doing it now, but

you're doing it with negativity because you've

trained your brain, because I wasn't born to

think negative all the time and make excuses

and start yelling and screaming at everybody

and have bad relationships. I wasn't born like

that. So at some point in my life, I trained

my brain to be like that and I could do the work.

I could erase everything, but I need to be vigilant.

This is a plan. That's something that I'm going

to be working on every day for the rest of my

life. And then when I fix that and I'm a different

person now, then all of those outside forces.

The person that I'm talking to at Home Depot

about the counter, my neighbor, my spouse, all

these different things, all of those outside

forces, I'm looking at them now from a completely

different set of eyes because now I'm a completely

different person. So whereas before it was this

guy's fault, I'm that way because of this person,

because of this woman or whoever I'm with. Or

my children. So a lot of people that I've worked

with that have had this type of issues. You could

see what relates to you basically. You could

kind of take out the outside forces and the environment

or whatever that I'm saying and insert your own.

So now when I change and I do this behavior personality

change. Now all of I go about my day. I work,

maybe going on a date, doing social things. Now

I look at all of these things completely differently

because I changed and my behavior changed. This

stuff that I have been said since the beginning

of this podcast, this is all factual, backed

up by data and statistics. None of this is a

theory. It used to be. But it's not anymore.

So you could take one sentence from this podcast

and put it on the Internet and put it in the

search and say, show me a statistic for Debbie

said that negativity is going to make my ego

bigger or something like that. And you could

put that in the search, whatever you get out

of this. And then you put give me a statistic

and it'll pop up because this is all proven.

None of this is a theory and none of this should

really be a surprise to anybody. I personally

think that a lot of people know everything I

just said. But do they do something about it?

That's completely up to them. If they want to

continue to live a life of horror and negativity

and fear and dishonesty. all these different

things, then that's up to the individual. I don't

want to be that way. The person might be listening

to this podcast because they really don't want

to be that way. Maybe this podcast is something

that they put in the search on YouTube, positive

thinking. Maybe they want to change, but the

people that don't want to change. and listen

to this podcast and turn it off after two minutes

and say, oh, that's not me. And then they go

back to their life. Those are the people that

I can't help. I can't do anything with those

people. And they're going to go do their own

thing, live their life. They're going to swim

in their negativity and they will be the same

person that they will always be. They'll just

be basically struggling every day. I can only

help the people that really want it and that

would listen to this podcast and they would say,

oh, this sounds interesting. I don't know what

it's about. Probably never heard of it. I'm not

really sure if it's going to work, but it's worth

it to give it a try. Why? Because my life is

sheer misery. I can't find anybody to be with.

My life is all negative. I go on dates the women

don't show up people don't respond to me when

I try to reach out to women on social media and

I've had failed relationships in the past and

I don't know why I am this way and That's the

person can that can be help but a person that

blately comes out and says This is not me I'm

not interested in hearing about this. I can't

relate to this and I'm fine the way that I am.

Those are the people that I can help because

I want everybody to change and I want everybody

to be positive and I want everybody to have great

relationships. This will be a better world, but

that's not reality. Maybe you can give us an

example of someone that you coached that went

through a transformation and you can just sort

of tell us a little bit about that. So there

was a man that I knew and he started dating like

really young, like 12 years old. And I met him

when he was in like 30 early thirties and he

was bouncing back and forth from woman to woman

and He wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He just

kept switching. One day he wanted to get married.

The next day he didn't want to even go out with

anybody. But he was just switching back and forth,

like literally to like a different person for

like 20 years for a very long time. Like he was

going to spend his whole life undecided. I mean,

it's like just a waste. So then he got sick and

tired of being sick and tired because he didn't

want to keep doing this for 20 years. So he was

stuck in this circle. Then he liked some women.

Then he changed the type of woman that he liked.

First, he liked skinny women. Then he liked medium

size women. Then it was women with blonde hair

and brown hair. So every way he kept switching

all different ways. And then he calls me or I

actually met him through somebody and he knew

me but he didn't even know anything about like

coaching. He just knew me from somebody and then

we figured he would ask. So he says, all of these

things are happening and we go on for this conversation

like one hour long conversation when he's telling

me all these different things that he's been

doing for the past 20 years. And he says, I'm

sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't

want to do this anymore. I don't want to act

this way. I don't want to think this way. I know

deep in my heart, I want to find a nice woman

and I know the type of woman that I want. And

I want to get married and have a stable relationship

with this woman. And he says, why can't I do

that? And I said, that's because of all of this

junk that you have in your brain of all of this

switching back and forth with all these different

types of people. And I want somebody one day,

the next day, I don't want the person. All of

that indecisiveness is creating negativity. So

is blocking him from being his true self and

him from saying, I really want to meet somebody

and I know who the person is. All of that stuff

is blocking him finding that person. So now he's

got to get rid of all of that. If I have a garden

in my backyard and there's all weeds, are my

plants going to grow? It's like if it's a vegetable

garden, it's going to be difficult for those

weeds to grow. So I have to pull out the weeds.

then maybe put some weed killer down or something.

Then I have to turn the dirt just so my vegetable

garden can grow. But I let it get to that point.

I had a vegetable garden there. Why would I let

it get to that point? So that's what I'm saying.

We did work and stuff and it was a long time,

a few years or whatever it was, but he got over

it and he got through that. And as soon as he

got through that, he immediately met the woman

of his dreams, the woman that he wanted to meet

because it was just going to come. It was just

a matter of time, but he needs to get through

all those weeds that was in his brain that was

blocking him. So it sounds like he would found

him the path through the weeds. I'm just using

the weeds as an analogy because every. Person

is different So it's really going to come down

to if I'm coaching somebody whether it's life

coach business coach. I've done it all and from

there I make a plan about how I can help you

and I give you all of that information and You

don't give me any money All you would do is just

sit on the phone with me and talk and we would

fill out some Like a survey or whatever. And

then from there, I give you the plan and that's

up to you whether you want to take action or

not. Cause I'm just going to say once you see

the plan, you'll know. Well, it sounds like you've

got a very interesting program. Maybe you can

tell the people listening to this a little bit

about where they can find out more about what

you offer. If you're, you're coaching you, if

you have any products or whatever. I'm sure they're

all waiting to find out more about where they

can learn about you. I'm doing executive coaching

now. I do all types of coaching. I do life coaching

also, but my website is life in bloom and why

.net and the company is life in bloom because

it started off as a life coach company. But then,

like I said, after COVID, I switched to executive

coaching. So if you go onto that website, lifeinbloomny

.net, you're going to see executive coaching

on there. You can get in touch with me that way.

I have social media. I do any type of coaching.

I have my phone number on my website, my email,

social media. There's a lot of ways. Well, that's

great. I really appreciate you taking the time

with me this evening. I think for the right people,

this is going to be a very enlightening conversation,

and hopefully it'll help out some people that

maybe didn't expect it from this direction. So

again, I want to thank you for having spent the

time with me, and hopefully we'll talk again

another time soon. Thank you very much. I really

appreciate it. Thanks a lot.