Vincent Hazenboom: From Fear, Addiction, and Victim Mentality to Self-Trust and Growth

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, transformational coach. This show explores

how the way we think, decide, and respond internally

influences where we end up over time. Today's

conversation draws on real experience and expertise

to look at how small internal shifts can change

direction, momentum, and outcome. We have a very

special guest today, Vincent Heisenbaum. Hi,

Vincent. Welcome to the show. Yeah. Thank you,

Debbie, for having me on your show. Thank you

for being here. I am going to ask you today to

tell your story and explain something in your

story, some type of life change or traumatic

experience or something that happened to you

where it was a negative, you went through a process

and now you came out the other side and the end

result should always be positive. Now, I do this

show for a few different reasons and one of the

main reasons is that everybody has their own

individual story, but there are... parts of other

people's stories that people can relate to. And

maybe somebody is in a negative situation or

they're in some type of scenario that they don't

want to be in. They're not happy. They're stuck

that and they don't know that there's a way out.

and they don't feel that for whatever reason

that they can get out of this. And they're in

a situation that they just don't want to be there

anymore. So maybe they don't know how to do it.

It could be for education. Or maybe they don't

see anything beyond what they're doing, how they're

acting. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes people think that the process, whatever

that... They don't even really know what that

is. But if they know that there is one that it's

going to be very difficult, but it probably is

not going to be. So there's a lot of things that

when I sit in negative situations and scenarios

that I can make up things in my head just to

sit in that negativity. But I don't know really

how to get out of it. That's really the bottom

line. So this is one of the main reasons why

I do this show. And the last thing is that anybody

can get through anything. It doesn't. There's

no such thing. I don't believe there is a such

thing as a negative situation or behavior or

anything, because that can always be changed

into a positive. So if you could do that for

me, I would appreciate it. Yeah, I will share

my story, but also have a conversation about

it. I've been to a lot of interviews and sometimes

they just firefire questions and it kills really

the interview. So I want to have just back and

forth conversation. That's how I do my interviews

as well. Yeah, I will do the intro for myself.

My name is Vincent Hasenboom and my journey started

from a young age. I was really traumatized when

I was younger and really afraid of life basically.

I was afraid of everything. I spent most of my

life in fear. I... I was really addicted to video

games, pornography. So that's what I've been

doing most of my life. But in 2014, I got a wake

-up call from my higher self. And that was during

when I was playing a video game. And I got the

message that I need to get help. And I was just

in shock. I put my controller down and I was

looking around in the room if there was somebody

there, but there was no one there. But I knew

deep in my heart that I need to do something

about it. I felt the call was so deep that I

decided, okay, I need to get help. So the next

few days I went to my parents. I told them about

that. I need to get help. They were both shocked.

They looked at me like, huh, you need help? Like,

yeah, I need help. So then I reached out to the

doctor. I explained my situation and he sent

me to group therapy or first to a therapist to

evaluate my situation. So I went to her. and

i was terrified i was so scared to go to her

but again i knew i need to get help so i went

to see her and i sat on the chair and we had

a conversation and she asked me vincent what

do you do with your life and i looked at her

and i broke down in tears and i told her i have

nothing i i have no life i'm just playing video

games watching pornography i have no girlfriends

i'm not doing anything She said, okay, Vincent,

no worries, I'm going to help you. But I'm not

going to give you medication, so I dodged the

bullet here. But she said, I'm going to send

you to group therapy. So I went there and everything

started to change. I started to understand myself

better, the trauma, the back package that I was

carrying. From that journey, I started to go

into self -development. I started to read books.

courses and stuff like that, but I got really

in the self -development trap. It was another

addiction that I was facing. I was consuming

information. I was overloading myself with reading

books and stuff like that. But I learned it was,

like I said, a trap. I didn't take any action.

I was just consuming information. And I believed

if I read this book about business, then I'm

going to do this business. If I'm going to talk

to women, first I'm going to read all these books

about fear. and then I'm going to take action.

And I've been doing that for seven years. And

then in 2000, that was, yeah, no, two, no, it

was four or five years later. In 2017, I went

to Mexico because I wanted to start a fast food

restaurant that I, with a Mexican that I've met

in Mexico. So my journey started from being fear

of everything to doing things what most people

didn't do. That was the big step for me. I sold

everything. I moved to Mexico. I stayed there

for one year and then I got bankrupt. I lost

all my money and then I went back to the Netherlands

and I was heartbroken. I remember the first time

that I didn't have any money. I was in Mexico

and I called my parents and I cried and I said

I'm broke. I have nothing. And my parents said,

OK, we knew something was off because you didn't

respond. And I felt so ashamed. I felt so ashamed

to tell them. But I knew that I need to talk

about it because I had nowhere to go. So they

bought the ticket for me. And then a couple of

weeks later, I went back to the Netherlands.

And from there, I said to myself, OK, what now?

What should I do now? I lost everything, but

I don't want to again, like 20 to 25 years, 30

years working for somebody else to make money.

So I went on the internet and from there I go

into a lot of things, podcasting, into other

things and how to make money online. I learned

so many things along the way about being highly

sensitive, being an empath, the nervous system,

the mindset. I learned so many things, but it

was such a struggle. It was so difficult. But

in the end, I've grown so much. If I look back

on it, how I was in the beginning, really shy

and introverted and didn't do anything. Now I

have so much more experience and having more

fun in my life now. Very good. That was good.

Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it.

When you were going through your process of moving

to Mexico and then for a year, you said, right?

And then moving back. You moved back to the Netherlands

after that. What was your process? What was your

thinking during that time? What was the feelings

that you had? And what was the process that was

surrounding that whole part of your life? In

the beginning, it was a lot of shame. I felt

so ashamed because when I went there, I had this

vision, this goal. that I wanted to make it work.

I didn't plan to go back. I bought a one -way

ticket to go there and I saw my future there.

So once I got back, I felt really failed, like

a failure. I felt really ashamed because I didn't

make it work. So that was really hard. And also

I had an ex -girlfriend, a Mexican girlfriend,

and that was really toxic, a toxic relationship.

So I had to break up with her as well. So...

That was really hard. Even though if I look back

on it, losing the business wasn't so bad, but

losing the relationship, that was hard. That

was the hardest thing that I had to overcome.

I closed my heart off for five years because

I felt so much pain. And I was so overwhelmed.

Even though I went back with my ex -girlfriend

to Mexico, I was stressed, anxiety, panic attacks.

It was so bad. I didn't know what to do. I lost

everything. It's the first time in my life that

I lost everything. So that was really hard. And

once I got back in the Netherlands, I got my

life back on track. I got a job there. Luckily,

I could stay with my parents. So I had time to

think. I had time to process. And then I got

a lot of reflection because I was first blaming

him about... We're losing the business. I was

blaming her for having a toxic relationship.

But then I put a mirror in front of myself and

said, I need to check what I did wrong. Because

I could have said no to him when things went

bad. I could pull the plug and said, OK, I'm

going to keep my money and I'm going to do something

else. With her it's the same. If I felt like

something was off, I could tell her, you know

what, this is not going to work out. The end

of it. But because I didn't have any experience

with girlfriends or love relationships, I felt

like she was the only one. I wanted to hold on

so bad because I didn't care about myself or

love myself. So I was holding on to her, to the

love so much that I wasn't looking for other

opportunities or other women that I could have

another relationship with. So it was really hard,

but I knew there was always a way. I never gave

up on myself. I always looked for solutions.

When I was a problem, I told myself, OK, how

can I solve this? How can I change my life, my

mindset? It was really difficult also changing

the mindset from the negative to the positive

because I've been living most of my life in the

negative. Everything was trash. Everything was

bad. So I was telling myself over and over again

that I'm not worth enough, that I'm not good

enough, that I'm a loser. And I'm starting to

believe it. So to change that was really hard.

But sometimes people ask me, why did you do it?

And would I do it again? I would say, yeah, because

it changed my life forever because When I got

back in the Netherlands, I made or I looked for

other ways. I looked for ways how to make money

online. If I stayed comfortable in my nine to

five, I probably would never go into the direction.

So that was for me. It was hard. It was really

hard. Don't misunderstand me. But I learned to

trust more on myself. I learned to love myself

because when I did the self -reflection, I said,

oh, so I could prevent this all. So I had to

learn to love myself. I had to learn to set boundaries.

I had to learn to say no when I didn't feel like

it or when I felt like something was off. So

I had to learn all those steps for me to grow.

So I see it as a positive thing that it happened

because if it didn't happen to me, I wouldn't

be the person that I am today. So I changed that

from the negative to the positive. Still, it

was a tough journey, but it really brought me

where I am today. And I'm really grateful for

it. Yeah, that was good. Thank you. So one of

the things that I teach a lot is that life is

really supposed to change. I'm not supposed to

stay in the same job, live the same place and

all of that for my whole entire life. If somebody

does that, that's fine. But to me, if I am changing.

And I'm doing different things, maybe getting

another job or maybe getting a promotion or starting

my own business. That is a way for me to move

towards a positive, to do different things. And

that will eventually help me evolve and it will

help me become more and more positive as I go

through life and I keep changing and all these

things. But. Unfortunately, sometimes I don't

want to change. And sometimes there are things

that happen in my life that are not good, negative,

traumatic experience, that I have to go through

this thing and then I'm forced to change. And

then I say, oh, I have to do this now and I can't

do this anymore. Oh, that's because this happened

and I didn't want that thing to happen. I knew

that I was supposed to change before this thing

happened and I didn't do it. And now something

happened to me and now I have to change. I have

no choice. This actually happened to me. But

there's a lot of people that I know and a lot

of people that I've worked with where they've

gotten warning signs that they need to move to

a different, take a different step. in their

life, or take another step forward, or change

a job, or get a promotion, and they didn't want

to take that step forward. And they procrastinated,

and they stopped, and they stayed where they

were, and they made all the excuses, and then

something happened, and now they don't have a

choice. And then what happens then? then they

feel great and then they say, oh, I wish I would

have done this like 100 years ago. So these are

some of the things. So kind of sounds like this

is what happened to you and your story kind of

a little bit. But that was one of the things

I was thinking of when you were telling your

story, when you were explaining your process.

So how do you feel now from everything that we

just talked about as whole podcast? How do you

feel right this second, right now, based on everything

we just spoke about? Yeah, like I said, really

grateful. I want to go back about choose, choosing,

making a choice. Let's go back to the wake -up

call. I could also choose to stay where I am

today or where I'm stuck. I could have stayed

playing video games. I could have stayed watching

pornography or just a 9 to 5. But I chose because

the message was so clear. So I chose to... to

tell my parents about my issue. I chose to go

to help. I chose to go to Mexico. I made these

decisions. So sometimes we don't want things

to happen, but sometimes it needs to happen because

it will transform your life. And as people, we

like the comfort zone. And that's what I did

most of my life. I wanted to stay safe. I wanted

to be in my comfort zone because taking risk

was dangerous. That's how I felt. Because what

people don't know is the body keeps its core.

So if you are traumatized or you have a lot of,

or your nervous system, you cannot regulate it.

It's constantly triggered, constantly exposed

to problems and you have panic attacks and stuff

like that. Then you need to say, what can I do

about this? You have a choice in this. You can

choose and stay where you want to be and nothing's

going to change. Or you can say, okay, what can

I do now to change my life? I wanted to go from

0 to 100. That doesn't work like that. You need

to take small baby steps in the direction that

you want to go because if you put the bar too

high, you're going to crash because it's too

much. So taking those small steps is really important.

And that's how I learned to live my life. And

I feel amazing because even though I had these

setbacks, I never gave up on myself. Like I said,

I went help again. Five years ago, I need to

go back to help because I was not doing well.

I struggled so much with myself. I was in this

negative mindset, in this victim mentality. I

was blaming everybody. Why is my life so bad?

Why is there a curse on me? I don't know why

it's happening to me, but I learned I am in control

of my life. I'm the creator. I can create the

life that I wanted to create. So I grabbed my

power back and said, OK, what can I do now? What

can I do to change my life? So I never stopped

reading books. I never stopped learning, never

stopped growing. I've been always curious and

hungry to learn for more. And yeah, I just feel

amazing. It's just just the possibilities that

I have and what I can do and build. But most

of all, I'm proud of myself. Just if I go back

for where I started and where I am today, I overcame

so much and I'm still here. So I know that I'm

more capable. What many people told me, you're

not good enough or at school you're only good

with hands. You cannot start a business or whatever.

There's always this limiting belief that people

told me. And I was telling myself that over and

over again, yeah, you're right. I cannot do that.

Or when I had an idea, no, Vincent, you shouldn't

do this. It's too dangerous. Don't do it. Oh,

yeah, you're probably right. I'm not going to

do it. But then I learned over in life, like,

hey, I'm going to try it. I'm just going to try

it out and see what's going to happen. I did

it in Mexico. It could also worked out. I didn't

know. But if I didn't try, then I will never

know. And usually that hurts more if you don't

know what could have happened then. We don't

do it at all. I I usually say fear of rejection.

It hurts, but not knowing what could have happened

hurts more. Yeah, it's like fear of the unknown.

If you want to change, then you might not want

to because you're afraid you don't know what's

going to happen. So for me to stay in my comfort

zone is what I want to do. And this was another

good point that you made because. That's ultimately

what it is, whether I'm in negative or positive

or whatever. That's comfortable for me. But to

be uncomfortable is when I start growing. For

me to, like you were talking about, reading and

teaching yourself things and exploring different

things. That's getting out of my comfort zone.

You might have liked it, you enjoy it, and that's

a good thing. But when I'm doing that... I have

different thoughts and different ideas that come

into my mind based on what I'm reading or watching

or whatever it is. Now I'm not in my comfort

zone anymore, okay, because now I'm on a completely

different thought pattern than what I was. And

that is how I'm able to grow and evolve in my

mind and in my life ultimately, because I am

out of that and now my thought pattern is completely

different. So now what happens is that if I'm

going to work every day and let's say I get another

job Now it's a different place that I'm going

to work at I wake up at a different time My schedule

is completely different now because it's a completely

different job Even if it's the same job and I

get a promotion my schedule is completely different.

It's good These are good things. I get a job

with more money. I get a promotion. These are

good things But do I want that? Do I want it?

Because that's going out of my comfort zone.

So do I want that? Or do I want to stay in my

comfort zone and stay where I'm at? And this

is the thing that we're trying to explain here.

This is the same exact scenario. There are millions

of examples of this. Alls we're doing is we're

going from negative to positive. And every show

that I have, every guest that I have tells a

different story. The feelings and stuff are usually

pretty similar, if not the same. It's the actual

story. The actual thing that happened is different,

hopefully most of the time. But the point is

that that's what I want to do. And that's how

I keep learning and growing. And then I'm evolving,

I'm gaining knowledge, and then I'm able to fulfill

my goals and my dreams. And this is how it starts.

And this was the process. So this whole thing

that you just explained, your whole process,

how you got from there to here, is your process.

This is what you went through. But regardless

of all of that, so you came out on the other

side, and now you just explained how you feel

and everything. You feel great and everything.

And that's the main thing, is how you feel now.

If you didn't feel good, what would you do? Hopefully,

you would do something to change that. Hopefully,

I would. And we're asking the listener to consider

that because you don't have to stay in this space.

That's the whole thing. So that was good. Thank

you. Is there anything you want to say in closing?

Yeah, the thing that I wanted to add, because

what you said was really important, how you feel,

because what I've learned, I kept myself in this

negative spiral because it felt comfortable.

It felt good to be a victim. growing and challenge

myself and going for success, I pushed that away

because I was too comfortable or I was more like,

yeah, but if I become successful, then yeah,

better not because then I get too much responsibility

or people are going to ask me more things or

I'm going to need more things that they need

to do. So I pushed it away. Going to a relationship

with women, I know it's a good thing. You can

cuddle, you can kiss, but I choose to be comfortable

on watching porn because then I don't get rejected.

It's safe. But if you think about it, it's ridiculous

because I can cuddle with her or I can go for

a walk or have a deep, meaningful conversation.

So it's really that. Just how, what can you do?

I will tell the listeners this. Ask yourself,

what can I do to feel better? You can go for

a walk. You can watch a funny movie. You can

hang out with friends, girlfriends. You can buy

a trampoline. You can jump on it. You change

your physique. You feel better. Going to the

gym. Working out has a big difference for me.

I'm now being really consistent with my training

and workout. And as a man, I feel a lot more

confident. I feel better. I enjoy myself more.

I interact more. I feel great. So those are the

things that I'm always looking for. What can

I do to feel good? And I will guarantee you,

if you feel better every single day, you don't

want to go back to the old ways. You don't want

to go back to the negative mindset or not feeling

good or making excuses. You're getting more fun.

You enjoy life because then you're like, yes,

what can I do now? Or what can I do to brighten

my day? Maybe I'm gonna... Say hi to this neighbor

or this friend that I haven't talked to for a

couple of weeks. Those things really matter.

And that's how I changed that recently, like

a couple of years ago, from the negative to the

positive. What people don't understand is if

you're being negative, you will track negative

things. You will track negative people. You will

track circumstances and events that are negative.

So if you change that to the positive, you will

vibrate. better and higher and stronger. And

what will happen is you will attract abundance.

You will attract people, like -minded people.

So that's how I changed my life by being positive.

Yeah, everything happened to me. It was traumatic.

It was really painful. But it really, again,

it brought me where I am today. And it teaches

me a lot. Usually I... go into books and stuff

like that. But the best teacher is life itself.

The best teacher is people. They will teach you

the best way because then you will know what

you like and don't like. So that's my final closure

that I want to say. Try to keep yourself feeling

good because then the magic will happen. Very

true. Thank you very much. I appreciate that.

So as we close, this conversation is a reminder

that progress really comes from one big decision,

but from the internal choices we repeat. If something

from today's discussion connected with you, take

a moment to notice how those internal choices

showed up in your own life. This has been the

Internal Shift Show. Thank you for listening,

and thank you, Vincent, for being on the show.

I appreciate it. Thank you, Debbie, for having

me on your show.