Debbie Weiss: Caregiving, Loss, and the Mindset Shift That Changed Everything

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, Transformational Coach. This show explores

how the way we think, decide, and respond internally

influences where we end up over time. Today's

conversation draws on real experience and expertise

to look at how small internal shifts can change

direction, momentum, and outcomes. We have a

very special guest today, Debbie Weiss. Good

afternoon, Debbie. Welcome to the show. Thanks

so much for having me, Debbie. Nice to meet a

fellow, Debbie. Thank you for being here. I am

going to ask you today to tell your story and

focus on a life -changing event, something that

happened in your life that was a negative, or

where you went through a process and now you

came out the other side. And the end result should

always be positive, right? Now, I do this show

for a few different reasons, and one main reason

is that everybody has their own individual story.

But somebody could pick out something from your

story, right, that they could identify with,

whether it's a feeling or the thing that happened

or something in the part of the process. And

now that listener can say, I see now that Debbie

had this problem or whatever you're going to

talk about, life situation. She went through

the process and the listener is going to say,

now I can see that. I can get through this. I'm

not alone. There is a way out for me. Whereas

before, because a lot of people think that they're

in a situation, whatever it is, there's a million

different scenarios. On my show, a lot of people

are to the extreme, which is fine, because I

personally like that. But there are so many different

scenarios where somebody sits in the negative

and they don't understand how to get through

that process to get out of that. because really

there's no such thing as a negative situation

or a traumatic experience or something like that,

but I form that in my mind. The thing that happens

is real, but it depends on how I interpret that

thing, how I perceive that event or that situation

to be. And that's how I determine. Am I going

to be like, not be able to function? That's how

I determine. Or is it just going to be a little

thing and then I'm going to go through a process,

whatever, I'm going to find help, whatever, and

then get over the hump. So if you could do that

for me, I'd appreciate it. Thank you. I think

I have one pivotal moment, but if I didn't have

that pivotal moment, it wouldn't have let me

get through a much bigger pivotal moment down

the line. So... I guess there might be more than

one discussed here, but I think that my main

story starts when I was 17, and my father had

a massive stroke, just turned 46. Luckily, he

survived, but he became permanently disabled,

and my parents soon divorced, and I became my

father's primary caregiver for the next 30 years.

And I don't think that we expect to become our

parents' caregivers at 17 or 20 years old. We

expect it at the ages that maybe we are in midlife,

but certainly not at that stage. And when my

oldest son was two, he was diagnosed on the autism

spectrum, and that opened up a whole different

type of caregiving. different than my dad. And

later on in life, and this is kind of what happens

afterwards as a little bit of a teaser, I became

my husband's primary caregiver as well. And so

when I turned 50, I was at a place where I was

exhausted, burnt out, resentful. Like, why me?

Why did this all happen to me? I watched my friends,

especially in their 20s and 30s, live this carefree

life. And mine was never carefree, even though

my father never lived with me. It was my responsibility

to find a place for him to live, to worry about

his finances, and in my 20s to learn the difference

between Medicare and Medicaid and institutional

Medicaid and Social Security, disability, like

things you don't know when you're 20 years old.

And I was very, initially I was... I guess I

want to say proud that I was able to step into

that role of such an early age of taking care

of my dad. But as the years went on, I did become

resentful. And I spent so much time thinking,

why me? Like, I'm a good person. What did I ever

do to deserve this? It felt like every second

I was just worried and giving to everyone else.

I also have my own small insurance agency and

I was kind of, it's a second career. I was kind

of getting that up and running at the same time

that I was worried about my father. I moved from

state to state. I had to find a place for him

to go. And every minute I was giving out. to

everyone else pouring out of me, whether it was

my employees, my customers, my father, my kids,

my husband, everyone. I was volunteering. I was

such a people pleaser. Anybody who asked me to

do something for an organization, I was like,

well, I have to do it. I can't let them down,

which was ridiculous because I didn't have any

energy, time, or anything to spare. At 50, I

found myself thinking, well, this is just my

lot in life. I mean, it is what it is. Everybody's

lives look different. I don't know why this is

mine. On the outside looking in, if you didn't

know all the backstory and the stress that I

was constantly under, I lived in a nice house

in a beautiful neighborhood. Like I said, my

husband, my kids, the dog, like. the whole, quote

unquote, supposed American dream, but I was not

feeling like I was living the American dream.

And when I turned 50, for me, there was something

about that number that kind of really made me

pause and think, wow, the first 50 years flew

by. I watched my parent, my father, who had just

passed away a year before, die with a ton of

regret. I see my mom, who constantly is talking

about what -a -could -a -should -a kind of things.

I don't want to be that person who gets to the

end of their lives looking back saying, oh my

gosh, what happened? How did this, you know,

how did it go so fast? And my life didn't turn

out the way that I had planned. The only problem

was I didn't have a plan. It wasn't like I had

some people say, oh, I'm an artist and I never

got to pursue that or a musician or anything.

I didn't have any of those unfulfilled dreams.

So I didn't even know what it was supposed to

look like, but I just knew that if I had died

at that moment, I would absolutely have a lot

of regrets. And my friends were kind enough to

insist on taking me away to celebrate my 50th

birthday for the weekend. And while we're gone,

one of my friends said, let's go around the table

and talk about our hopes and dreams. And when

it got to me, I thought, I don't have any hopes

and dreams for myself. I have them for my kids,

but not for me. Like, isn't my time up? We're

50. What kind of hopes and dreams? Like that

ship has sailed kind of thing. And they made

me realize that no, they had hopes and dreams,

but I didn't. And so I came back from that trip

knowing that nothing was going to change. No

fairy godmother was coming down waving her magic

wand and saying, OK, Deb, here's your dream life.

If something was going to change, I had to make

it change. But I didn't know how or what. And

so I decided that you, you look at your life

and there's all different ways. And I'm sure

as a coach, you have a certain way to do it,

whether it's a wheel or categories of our lives

that we can kind of slot career and finance and

personal relationships and all the things. And

for me, The thing that stuck out the most, if

I was thinking of all my categories, was my health.

Because the other part of my story, besides being

a family caregiver for decades, is that I'm someone

who's struggled with my weight since the second

that I was born. And it has always defined me.

And at that moment in time, I was more than 100

pounds overweight. When you're younger, you think

to yourself, I can't wear these clothes or I

don't feel good about myself. But as you get

older, it now turns into just as much of a health

concern as a vanity issue. And so I thought,

I want to be here for my kids and possibly my

future grandchildren. So I better do something.

But I think I was maybe eight, probably even

younger when I first went on a diet. And here

I was over 100 pounds overweight, so we know

how successful that turned out to be. Same story

as the rest of us. Lose, then gain it back, plus

some more, then another year later, try again.

I don't have to tell anyone that story. And I

thought, OK, if I try again for the umpteenth

time, something has to be different. Because

as Albert Einstein said, something like the definition

of insanity is doing the same thing over and

over and expecting a different result. So for

me, Weight Watchers had always been the most

successful and the easiest to kind of fit into

my life. So I said, all right, here we go back

to Weight Watchers again. But this time, instead

of having a goal like I'd always had in the past

of, okay, I have to lose 25 pounds in three months

or by my birthday or by the summer or whatever

it is. Nope. Forget all of that. I am making

an initial goal of I am going to go to a meeting

every week. That's it. I don't care what I eat.

I don't care how much I weigh. If I drink the

water, exercise, all the things. Nope, my only

goal is show up. And I did that. And each week

that I went, I was proud of myself because I

did what I said I was going to do. And I would

say I did that for two or three months. I probably

gained five pounds, but I was okay with it because

I achieved my goal. And so once I felt good in

that, it was like, all right, let me add a little

something else. And maybe I paid attention to

how much I ate 50 percent of the time and so

on and so forth. I built from there. But in that

time frame, I also started to change. Other ways

that I was thinking about the diet my whole life,

I felt like a victim. Why me? Why did I always

have to be the heavy one, the one who can't fit

into the clothes, the one, you know, boys aren't

looking at because of my body? I'm sick and tired

of hearing, oh, she has such a pretty face, but

they don't say it's such a pity that her body

looks like that. Forget all of that. I'm going

to leave that behind, and I'm going to say to

myself, Other people have to deal with this as

well. You're just not seeing it. You're assuming

that when you go out on Saturday night and you

look around and you see other, I've got to say

women because obviously that's the equivalent,

you're seeing other women and they're drinking

the drinks or eating the dessert. You're assuming

maybe they eat like that all the time. Maybe

that's the only time during that week they eat

like that. Sure. Some people are luckier than

others. And I get that with the metabolism. I'm

not saying that that's not the case, but I think

in my mind, the switch was that maybe everything

wasn't as appearing was what I thought it was.

Number one, number two, this can't be a diet

because diets, you go on and you go off. We know

what happens when we go off. This is a lifestyle.

And back then, the term wasn't as popular as

it is today. As a matter of fact, my kids would

say, can you have that on your diet? And I would

always say, it's not a diet, boys. It's a lifestyle.

And they would make fun of me. So every time

I say the word lifestyle, it makes me laugh.

But that is it. It doesn't mean that I'm never

going to eat pizza and ice cream and bagels,

my three favorite food groups, again. I'm going

to eat them. And that's it. It just has to be

a conscious decision. And so in about three and

a half years, I lost 90 pounds. I would say that

in the past, if it had taken me that long, I

would have said, forget it. This is a waste of

time. But when I switch that mindset to say,

does it really matter how long it takes? Like

in the grand scheme of things, if this is something

that I'm never going off of, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter how long it takes. It doesn't

matter that it's not a straight linear progression.

It's a staircase, two steps forward, three steps

back. Like that's the way it is. But if I don't

stay on track, then it's just going to be that

landslide back like it always was in the past.

And so At this point, and I think this was probably

about 10 years ago, I have not yet hit the 100

pounds, but I have pretty much, up and down maybe

10 pounds or so, but not more than that, maintained

the 90 pound weight loss. That opened my eyes

to how I could change my life. just by changing

my mindset and the way that I was thinking about

something. Because Weight Watchers didn't change.

Yeah, they make little tweaks every couple years

to their program, but that had nothing to do

with it. It was all the way that I was approaching

it. And so when I was done there, I said, okay,

now where can I take this mindset shift idea

and apply it to other areas of my life? So at

that point, the next highest thing on my priority

list was my money situation. My first career

was a CPA. I was a CPA for 10 years. And like

I said, now I'm an insurance agent and have been

for over 30 years. And I know about money. I

pretty much, I don't want to say I know everything,

but I'm very well -versed. In my marriage, I

was always the one taking care of money. When

my son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum,

he's 25 now. So back then it was a very different

situation than it is now. And I started paying

probably about $6 ,000 a month for therapy that

was not covered by insurance. Nothing back then

was covered by insurance. I got ourselves into

some pretty heavy debt situation and had never

gotten out from under it. And my husband suffered

from both depression and anxiety, and my oldest

son does as well. And any time that I would kind

of try and alert my husband to, well, I think

we got to spend a little less money. it would

throw him into an anxious state and sometimes

he could barely speak to me for days. And I hated

that. And so instead, I just kept my mouth shut

and I buried my head in the sand and just kept

thinking to myself, somehow it'll work itself

out. It'll just go away. But each time that I

had to pay my bills, it just got worse and worse.

My heart would be palpitating. It was horrible,

and I didn't share this secret with anyone else,

even my closest friends that pretty much knew

everything because I was so embarrassed, particularly

because of my background, that I was getting

myself into trouble. It eventually led to trouble

not paying my taxes because I am self -employed,

and so it's up to me to pay my income taxes quarterly.

And I wound up not being able to do that. And

so that turned into a mess of a situation. And

I thought, oh my gosh, I've got to do something.

I've got to do something because burying my head,

it's not working for me. And I decided I'm going

to apply the same technique. So I said, all right,

either you can make more money or you can spend

less. So I started selling little things. I went

around my house. Okay, what can I sell on Facebook

marketplace? And again, this is when it wasn't

as popular as it is now. And if I sold something

for $3, which just like only going to the meeting

was literally not going to do anything to my

tax bill and my debt, I got so excited because

I was doing something. And I would take that

$3 and I would put it in an envelope and I'd

add up all my $3. And at the end of the month,

if I had enough money to pay for my family's

haircuts, that felt like a win. Anything felt

like a win because I was actually doing something.

And then it got kind of exciting. Like I'm opening

up all the cabinets, running through my house.

What can I sell? What can I sell? My God, this

is so great. And so then I thought from there,

okay, well, If I want to, because at the point

at that time, I knew what I really needed to

do was sell my house. But every time that again,

I approached my husband with that, it was very

difficult. My son who was diagnosed on the spectrum.

He had then also added all these other mental

health diagnoses as well. So between the two

of them, I couldn't handle it. So I started to

try and plant the idea that maybe we're going

to have to sell the house kind of thing. I just

figured more exposure was better. So I started

planting some seeds there. And then I said, well,

How else can I make more money? Of course, like

I said, I'm self -employed. I could try and make

more money in my business. But the thing was,

I tried that briefly, but I realized that it

didn't excite me and it felt burdensome. I saw

the way that selling my handbag excited me. different

than selling more insurance. So I said, I need

to, I need to find something else. And at the

time I was taking these health supplements from

a, like a mail order company who did network

marketing. And I thought, I, I really love these

supplements and I believe in them. So I'm going

to sell them as a side hustle. And I was getting

training and at the time I had taken a couple

of mindset courses and had learned about them

from a woman who had a podcast that I had been

listening to. And she talked about being part

of this mastermind. And I had no idea what she

was talking about. I didn't know what a mastermind

was. I had just no concept. But her mastermind

coach was launching a mastermind for people earning

zero to five hundred thousand. And I thought,

perfect, I earn zero. I fall into that category,

earn zero in my network marketing thing. So I'm

like, I'll sign up for the mastermind and they'll

teach me how to sell this stuff. I sign up for

this mastermind. I go on my first zoom call.

There's 150 people at this point. I'm probably

in my mid fifties and I look out into the sea

of 150 people. And as they start to introduce

themselves, everyone is a coach of some sort

that I never heard of. I'm a money coach. I'm

a divorce coach. I'm a relationship coach. I'm

a dating coach. I'm like, what the heck is this?

Who are these people? What makes them certified

to be these type of coaches? It was like walking

into a world I had never ever had any exposure

to at all. And it started the juices going in

my head thinking, well, now I understood that

they were qualified to help other people because

of their lived experience, which totally made

sense to me. I mean, who do you want to learn

from? Somebody who studied a book or someone

who has practical knowledge? So that made sense.

And so in turn, why couldn't I be a caregiver

coach? Because that was what my life was. And

it was very, very exciting. And I just found

it so interesting. I couldn't learn enough. I

couldn't read enough or study enough. Because

now this opened up the world of... Well, how

do you even do this? And how do you be known?

And do you need a website? And like, this was

all brandy new to me. So every part of it, the

marketing, the social media, and by the way,

some I liked and some I didn't, some of the things,

the branding, it was like, what, what? Even though

I'm an insurance agent, I'm an insurance agent

for a very big company, I don't do my own branding,

they do the branding. So this was brand new to

me. But every second was exciting. As a matter

of fact, if I could work on it 24 -7, I would

have. It never felt like work. And that's how

I knew I was on the right track. Since that time,

things evolved. So when I started coaching people,

what I found was my coaching was that I wanted

to teach family caregivers how to learn to prioritize

their own self -care. Because looking back, I

realized that's how I had gotten myself to a

place of exhaustion, burnout, overwhelm, resentment,

all the things. Because I wasn't taking care

of myself. I was below last on my list. And I

saw how things started to shift when I started

prioritizing my own self -care. And so I wanted

to share that. But when I started coaching, understandably,

the caregivers would want to tell me how hard

their caregiving life was. And I was going through

a time of intense caregiving of my own. As my

oldest son moved into his high school teenage

years, signs of mental illness got a lot greater.

a lot of emotional outbursts, a lot of physical

destruction, not, thank God, of any person, but

a lot of punching in of my walls, ripping doors

off hinges. And his issues, along with my husband's

anxiety and depression, the two of them were

at odds all the time. I saw what it was doing

to my younger son, what it was doing to myself,

what it was doing to all of us. And in that timeframe,

he wound up being involuntarily committed into

a mental hospital. And I think that that was

the last straw for my husband. And my husband,

who worked with me in my insurance agency, one

day just walked out of the insurance agency and

said, I'm never coming back to work again and

left me with a mess. He wouldn't discuss it with

me. He couldn't bring himself there. And that

was a lot to handle. He was also my husband at

the time. He had suffered from a lot of different

ailments. And so I don't know if I realized at

that time how debilitating the anxiety and depression

were. So point being, to take on somebody else's,

because I'm empathetic, to take on somebody else's

issues, it was just too much for me. I couldn't

handle it. Maybe now, when my life is not as

engrossed in caregiving, it would be different,

but I knew for my own mental health. I had to

do something different. And at that point, through

something else that I'd kind of gotten myself

out of my comfort zone, I realized that I do

have a message, which I'm sharing with you today,

is that it's never too late to change your life.

And it doesn't matter what your circumstances

are, because you can tell yourself any story

you want. It doesn't matter. always have the

power to do something about it. And that's the

message that I wanted to get out to everyone,

not just to caregivers and primarily women. But

how was I going to do it? I don't know. How the

heck was I going to get my message out there?

So everyone kept saying, you have an interesting

story. You should write a book. I said, OK, that's

lovely, but I don't know how to write a book.

I don't write. I don't like that's not a preferred

activity of mine. I don't see how that could

happen. Eventually, kind of you have to listen

when the universe puts these little hints out

there. And one day I was listening to a podcast

that I don't usually listen to. And the woman

was interviewing another woman who helped first

time stories get first time authors get their

stories out there. And I really connected listening

to her and I thought, OK, this is just too strange

that that's what this woman does. I think I at

least have to meet her. So we connected on Zoom

and she was wonderful and she made me believe.

I could do it. And she said, I'm just launching

a small group course for first time authors.

And I was so scared. I was scared because it

cost a lot of money and I was still in my money

problems. So that seemed a little counterintuitive.

I was scared because I didn't believe that I

could really do it. I was scared because I didn't

believe I had a story that people would resonate

with. And I just was scared that I would be embarrassed,

you know, that who would want to read this simple

writing of somebody who didn't know what the

heck she was doing. But I was just about to do

it and take the leap when out of the blue, my

husband was diagnosed with terminal blood cancer,

unrelated to all the other stuff that I mentioned.

And I was seeing a therapist at the time. And

I said to her, well, obviously, I'm not going

to do this now because who the heck knows what's

going to happen? I mean, the oncologist doesn't

say he has this long to live. We just knew that

it wasn't curable. He could undergo treatment

to try and extend his life. And they couldn't

say how that was going to go. So anyhow, I'm

saying this to my therapist. And she said, well,

I disagree. And I thought she was. Insane. She

said, I think this is the perfect time because

you're going to need something just for you,

separate from anything else that's going to go

on in your life, something that you can focus

on that takes you away. And I said, well, what

happens if I can't show up one week at the meeting

or there's homework and I don't do it? And she

said, who cares? And I thought, you know what,

she's right. Who cares? And so I said, OK, I'll

do it. And I joined. I really looked forward

to the weekly meetings. I connected with the

other women. It was maybe four or five of us,

which was a nice small group. And it probably

took me about six weeks or so to really believe

that it was a possibility, because I really struggled.

just trying to visualize what the whole framework

was going to be. But once I got it in my head,

it got easier. And I scheduled time almost every

day to write. Whether I got up at 5 .30 before

my husband woke up and wrote in pitch black outside.

If he was in the hospital, I brought everything

with me. I would write when he went down for

a test or he was sleeping, whatever it was. If

he was home, I would say, I'm going to go upstairs

unless there's an emergency, don't bother me

for the next hour. And I would do that. And my

therapist was a very smart woman because even

though the writing process was very difficult,

It was exciting at the same time because it was

new. And when I saw it starting to take shape

and the more, you know, I wrote, the more I really

started to believe that I could do this. And

my husband died almost six months to the day

that he was diagnosed. And when he died, I was

three chapters shy of finishing my memoir. My

husband passed away on December 30th, 2022. My

first draft was due to the editor January 15th

of 2023, so two weeks later. And of course, they

said to me, don't be silly. We'll extend the

deadline. You'll just let us know when you're

ready. And as we know, anyone who's lost a loved

one, people surround you when it happens, and

then they leave. And they just go back to their

regular lives. I remember thinking when my dad

passed away, like five days later, everyone's

back to doing their stuff. And I'm at my office

thinking, doesn't the world know what just happened

to me? With my husband, that's times a thousand,

that feeling. It's a very different feeling.

And everyone left a week later and I sat in this

room that I'm in now that had been turned into

his bedroom. And I thought, this book saved me

over the last six months. I need it now more

than ever before. And over the next week, I finished

and I handed it in on January 15th. And from

there, everything was still new. I thought, oh,

wow, I'm done. Wrong, I wasn't done. That was

just the first step. And my book didn't come

out until August 9th. And so those first six

or seven months, I had whatever was going on

with the book to help me get through the grieving

process. And I decided that I was going to throw

myself a party. On August 9th, I had about 50

people in a country club room and my brother

came from out of state. And I had my two boys

kind of be the emcee of the night. And it turned

into like a cathartic celebration that we all

needed. And looking back, if I had never gone

through that transformation, I don't think that

I would have gotten through that time because

those six months when my husband was dying, cancer

was the easy part. He slipped into depression

and the mental illness was unbelievably difficult

to bear for everyone. But I wound up being the

butt of a lot of his anger and so it was tough

and we needed We needed some light and I don't

know if I would have been able to find that and

to continue on as I have since then, now three

years ago. That was a lot. Yeah. And I thank

you for all of that because you explained the

situations and you really, I really didn't have

to ask any questions because you just told the

stories. the life -changing situations that you

went through beautifully. And you describe them

great and detail and everything that I want to

accomplish in this podcast. And I'm sorry to

hear about your husband too, by the way. I was

relating when my mother passed away. That was

what it was like. It was like, you know, my whole

family was there like three days later, like

nobody was there. It was like, oh my God, like

I went to an empty house. Like, where is everybody?

I mean, there's a lot of things here that I could

identify with you. But the bottom line is that

it seems like to me that one event triggered

another. Like you're saying you were gonna write

the book and then your husband was diagnosed

with the cancer. So when that happens, and that

happens a lot in my life too. So when things

like that happen, sometimes there's an opening,

because I believe that there's many different

paths that we can go on. People think, oh, there's

one path, beginning and end. I personally don't

believe that, because one path takes us to another

path. So if I don't live near a major highway,

I might have three different ways, three different

roads that are going to take me to that highway.

So it depends on whatever road I want to choose

to get onto that highway. Sometimes I might choose

the same road every time I go. Sometimes I might

not. So we have many different paths. So when

something's presented to me, I might want to

take that opportunity. I might, I might not,

depends on what my thinking is at the time. what

my mindset is, but then something else could

happen. And that's kind of telling me this is

not the right time to do this. It's a good thing

to do. And maybe one day you will do it, maybe

not, but now is not the right time to do it.

And now I'm presented with something else because

if I wasn't and it could be a traumatic thing

and maybe not, like I said, I'm sorry, everything

that happened to you and everything, but If something's

presented to me in place of what I wanted to

do, right, then now I am introduced to going

on a completely different path. But I don't have

to go on that path. I could say, I don't want

to do this. I want to do originally what I was

going to do, right? Even though this thing is

telling me not to do it. I could say, no, I don't,

because I have the ability to think for myself.

Every human being does, we're not robots. But

sometimes if I'm presented with different things,

if it's like your example, if it's overwhelming

or if it's too much for me to handle, then I'm

kind of like really, really pushed in another

direction. And to me, there's a million reasons

why. There's just a lot of reasons why that could

happen. And I have a lot of situations where

that's happened. And also that's just my personality

too, because sometimes I really need a push because

sometimes I might be a little stubborn when I

might say, Oh, I want to do this. Oh, maybe not

this. Oh, maybe. I want to go back to this or

whatever. There's a lot of different reasons

for that. But this was all very good. So how

do you feel in closing? How do you feel today?

How do you feel right now after everything, this

whole story, everything, this whole podcast,

everything we just talked about? I definitely

feel excited and hopeful about the future. I

took the book thing. I wrote another book like.

Let me just say that one of the things that I

discovered, and I think that it's interesting,

is I, since turning 50 and since opening up my

mind to different possibilities and changing

my mindset, I have discovered things about myself

I had no idea existed because my entire life

I told everyone, and I totally believe this,

I do not have a creative bone in my body. I would

say that time and time again. And since writing

this book, I can't stop with the ideas. Oh, I

want to make this. I'm going to do this. I'm

going to write this. And now I'm like, where

did this come from? It's it's like I opened up

a Pandora's box that I never knew was there.

And so now moving forward, it's like, oh, my

gosh, there's not enough time. I have so many

things that I want to create. And so Even though

I didn't expect I'm 62, I didn't expect a 62

to be a widow and be living my life on my own.

It is what it is. I mean, everything in life

is unexpected. That's pretty much the definition

of life. So even though it's not what I planned

and I'm not I can't go say, oh, I'm so excited

to be single. No, not really. There are things

I do like, like I can do whatever the heck I

want. I mean, so that part is nice, but I am

excited. I am truly excited for all the possibilities

that are ahead. Yeah, and that was good. And

in closing, I would like to say that that was

how I started my life coach business, too, was

that the main thing to me with coaching is that

whatever experience I went through, because I

went through that experience and I have that

knowledge, and that now gives me the ability

to teach people from my own experience strictly,

right? how they're going to get through the situation

or whatever coaching it's about. Because there's

no degree, there's no schooling. It's not like

you're studying to be a doctor. There's no curriculum,

different types of things like that, right? You're

not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. People

are. There are therapists that call themselves

coaches. I actually know one, different things

like that. So that was the way that I did it

also. Thank you very much. As we close this conversation

as a reminder that progress really comes from

one big decision. but from the internal choices

we repeat. If something from today's discussion

connected with you, take a moment to notice how

those internal choices showed up in your own

life. This has been the Internal Shift Show.

Thank you for listening and thank you for being

on the show, Debbie. I really appreciate it.

Thanks for having me.