Gina Economopoulos: Grief, Addiction, Loss, and Finding Peace After Years of Internal Conflict

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, Transformational Coach. This show explores

how the way we think, decide, and respond internally

influences where we end up over time. Today's

conversation draws on real experience and expertise

to look at how small internal shifts can change

direction, momentum, and outcomes. I'm joined

today by a very special guest, Gina. Good afternoon,

Gina. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Debbie.

It's nice to be here. Good, and thank you for

being here. I'm going to ask you today to tell

your story a little bit and describe a life change

or traumatic experience or some kind of situation

or scenario that you went through and what your

process was and how you got through it, how you

came out the other side, and the end result should

always be positive. Now, I do the show for a

few different reasons, and one reason is because

everybody has their own individual story, but

there are parts, the people's stories, that other

people can relate to. So maybe somebody is stuck

in a situation where they don't know how to get

out of it. Maybe it's a negative situation or

abusive or something where they know that they

don't want to be there anymore. Or maybe somebody

thinks that they're in a situation or scenario

and they think that. It's just normal. This is

just the way that my life is going to be and

I'm just going to have to deal with it. But here's

the thing. There's no such thing as a negative

situation or scenario because anything that's

negative can be turned into a positive. And when

I do that, my life gets a lot better than what

it is. So I don't want to accept just. The way

that I am now and I don't want to accept the

fact that I don't I can't move forward and this

thing is holding me back. This is why one of

the reasons anyway why I have this show is to

tell all these different stories with these different

scenarios and to explain that this is the way

that these people came out the other side. So

whatever the listeners situation is. traumatic

experience or some type of life change that they're

going through now, they can always get through

it. And that's really the message that we're

trying to send here. So if you could do that

for me, I would appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks,

Debbie. And it's so good to be here. And it's

like, wow, looking back on my journey, it's like,

where was I and how did I get through it and

where I am today? It's a very long journeys,

but I'll share with you in a brief form of where

my the internal conflict started. I grew up in

a large family. I was, I don't want to say I

was a wild child, but I just liked to have fun.

So I lived a life of having fun outside the church,

outside my family's norms, et cetera. And I went

to college and living a college life and trying

to have that American dream of finding a guy,

getting married, having kids, et cetera. But

yet then my mom, The first internal conflict,

the first trauma that happened in my life is

that my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was

23 years old. I was there. I watched her. She

was terminally ill, and she died six months later.

And that was at the age of 23. It's like, where's

my mom? I'm the seventh child. Why me? Why does

she have to die? She's not going to be for my

wedding or anything like that. So I did a searching.

And I was searching for the meaning of life to

get added because I was too short. I was like

in such an in a down low place. Grief, we call

it. I was in complicated grief. I hated everything.

I didn't have any faith or in a God in the universe

or anything. So it was like pure hell for me

to live because there was nothing in my life.

So I did this searching and I went back to my

Catholic roots, because like I said, I was race

Catholic and I found a God, I found Jesus. So

I figured I'd become a nun. So I joined the convent.

So one would think that would help me and heal

me, which it did because it was part of my journey.

But I did not. And I thought I was going to be

the nun for a nun for the rest of my life. I

married God 12 years in the convent in New York

City. I'm a people person, hands on with the

poor. I love being a sister, but yet it wasn't

my life because I was experiencing eternal conflict

again. And here, how can a nun within a habit,

who prays all the time, have eternal conflict?

And yes, I did. I was emotionally abused by my

community. So I experienced rejection, hurt,

you name it. I had a great smile, and by the

time of my religious life, I didn't know what

to do. Talking about conflict, it's like, God,

you called me here, but I feel like the sisters

don't want me here because the way I've been

treated, what do I do? What do I do? And that

went on for years of experiences, suffering from

the community. And then finally, they asked me

to leave. They said, you don't belong here anymore.

And so... And now I'm into more conflict. It's

like, why? How can this happen? Like here, I

gave my life to God. I made final vows and I

get kicked out. And so I didn't think anything

more of my life. And people who knew me as a

nun, because I was well known, well loved, they

said, why don't you go to another community?

Because there's so many religious communities.

And I'm like, why would I want to get hurt again?

Because I was so hurt. downtrodden. So I continue

my journey. I'm out of the convent. I'm not at

peace with myself or with my life. Yes, I was.

I was in my life because, of course, I was praying

and saying, what do you want me to do? And I

was just so tired of serving people places like

doing what other people want me to do, because

that's how I was. I'm a people pleaser that I

decided to come to the Jersey Shore. I live here

on the Jersey Shore. and I got an apartment and

I got things. I did not know how to live life

because I was living in Oceania life for 12 years

in the South Bronx. So coming into the world

in the year 2008, it's like shocker. I did in

between this and before coming to the Jersey

Shore, I did go live with men and women with

disabilities. I was a house mom, which tried

to help me to trans. go from one life to another

into the world. And then finally, I did end up

here on the Jersey Shore, still trying to wander.

I'm in my 40s. God, what's your will? What do

you want? And I knew then that I was not going

to join a religious community. I was going to

do whatever. And so I went back to bartending

because I was a bartender before I was a nun.

That's the only thing I knew. So I was bartender,

nun, bartender. And so I'm like, OK, I'm Now

maybe I might meet a nice man. All along, I just

kept pushing myself forward. I don't know how

I did it, but I just kept searching, looking.

Now I'm at peace. I'm a walk from the beach.

Wow, that's like my dream is living by the beach.

It's like I'm in heaven. I'm at peace. This is

it. Now let me find a guy. Of course, Bartending,

I did find a guy. His name was Danny. He came

in. It was like, wow, I found a nice guy. So

I was like, OK, no more conflict. My life is

going to be great. Well, it comes to find out

he was an alcoholic. He was active. So that was

kind of new to me, a whole new world. It's like,

stop drinking. Oh, no, I can't. I didn't know

anything about alcoholism. I went to Alan on

where he asked me to go because now I'm in internal

conflict again to see him. He's a great man when

he doesn't drink, but when he drinks, he's, he's

a drunk. It just useless, you know, he's an alcoholic.

So anyhow, I'm just like, okay, but I, there

was something in him that made, that had me stay

with them. I said, okay, Danny, you just need

to get back, get well, stop drinking AA, go to

AA, go to this. And he did, he found sobriety.

Yay, Debbie Mike, I don't have eternal conflict

anymore because he's sober. You know what I mean?

It looks like when you see someone sober, it's

great. And we were gonna pursue our life together

out in the West. Like I said, we're both from

Jersey. So we were gonna go out to the West.

So he went ahead and driving with his mom, like

we're excited. Okay, this is it. He's sober.

Everything is great. As he was driving with his

mother, with all of his belongings. They got

into a tragic car accident. The mother died.

He burned up. He didn't die. Get that phone call

saying, I mean, this is about 13 years ago. And

I was like, what? But he's alive. So I uprooted.

It all happened in Indianapolis. So I uprooted

and went to Indianapolis to be with him because

I do love him. I see him as a good guy and he's

sober and everything. Now he's all burnt up.

And what does an alcoholic do when they're in

pain, physical, emotional, spiritual? When they're

in their eternal conflict, he picked up, he drank.

I'm like, oh my God. And now because it's a family

disease, so I'm here in my own conflict. And

I'm like, how can you do this, daddy? God saved

you. You were sober, et cetera, et cetera. And

then ultimately, a few months later, he died

from the disease. I found him dead. So my eternal

conflict then was I was done. So this is good.

So there's a few different and thank you for

that. I appreciate that. There's a few different

things going on here. So and the main theme,

obviously, right, is your personal eternal conflict,

which sounds very maybe deep for you, something

that's deep rooted that kept coming up for you.

which is a good thing to talk about only because,

and I say this a lot, we're talking about a few

different things here, the career and the relationship

and stuff. But here's the thing, all of these

things, everything that happened outside of you,

all the outside forces and all the situations

that are on the outside, not inside of me, affect

me, but... That depends on how I feel inside.

Now, I'm not, like, trying to judge you or anything

because I don't know. I don't know what the end

result of all this stuff is. I'll ask in a second.

But the point that I'm trying to make is that

even for the listener, if they're going through

this or something similar where they're having

internal conflict, no matter what is going on

in their life... What are the situations, you

know, and maybe a relationship and the things

that are happening in their life? If they feel

this type of feeling at all, right, or any negative

feeling, think about what's going on outside

of you and how do you feel from those things?

And is that causing you to feel those negative

feelings that you're feeling? Because and think

about if I don't feel that how would I respond

and react to these people? That I'm saying I

feel this way because of them, but if I don't

feel that how would I be with these people? So

this is the thing and that's why everything is

perception and that's another reason why I do

this show right is to Ex to show that to give

examples where we're showing that and all my

guests Their stories are all like this with different

situations, obviously, but they're all like this

because this is why I asked to explain the process,

which you did fine. But because that's where

the inner thoughts and the inner feelings and

the inner behaviors and everything is going to

come out. And now the listener is going to say,

wow, maybe this is me. Maybe this is my issue.

Maybe this is really what's going on with me.

So my question for you is what was your process

like when you knew that you became that you wanted

to be a nun and from when you were in your childhood

or whatever, right? You said 21 and then you

wanted to be a nun and then you became a nun.

What was that process like for you? Because that

was a young age for you. Yes, it was because

I lost my mom at the, well, it was really 23.

I lost my mom at 23 and I was a lost soul. So

my process was like, oh, first I had to figure

out where heaven was, where my mom was because

I was crying all the time. And then in that,

as my, my process was like I was going, I went,

I went like I should, I went back to my Catholic

roots. So I went from one extreme to the other

to join the sisterhood. Was it a wrong choice?

Could have been. But I was I was you know what

the bottom line Debbie's that it's exactly is

my eternal conflict is that I was looking for

that love within me. I was looking for an acceptance.

I was I was so insecure even as a kid because

I was born with a lot of a lot of problems. So

I had this black cloud over me or I thought it

was. So everything was like poor me poor me.

So here. Mom dies. I get back into the church.

I meet these young people that love God, gave

their life up to God. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll

do that. And they love me because I have a personality

plus. It's like, yeah, I'll take you. And it's

so true. It's all my exterior, my smile. Like,

yeah, everything is fine. I never shared my deep

feelings. Like, no, I'm hurt. I mean, this was

even before the convent. No, I don't like myself.

No, I'm insecure because to me that was like

a voodoo. You can't share those feelings. You

can't. And here I'm trying to find peace wherever

I could find peace. Oh, I'll hang out with you.

I'll do this. I'll do this peer pressure, whatever

it may be. So, you know, this process for me

joining the convent, yes, it was God's will back

then, but in deep down. I was immature. My faith

was immature because I was jumping and looking

to find something that's gonna love me for me.

And the thing was is that in a long run, I was

running away from me. And of course, I did not

realize it at that moment. And I never did until

years later. I mean, my journey continued of

looking for me. And it wasn't until maybe 10

years ago I found who Gina was. And that's very

good, thank you, because you expressed a little

bit about your feeling and you incorporated what

happened to you with your feeling, what you thought

and felt and all that. So that was really good.

So the next question is, what was your process

from when you... They told you you didn't want

to go into the convent anymore all the way until

your your spouse got Into that accident. So there's

a few things that happened in between all of

that But the thing is we don't have to say what

those things are again because you just said

it but what was your process? thinking process

and feeling and during those times because you

had a lot of change going on and then you kept

mentioning about the internal conflict. What

was that like? I mean, after I got kicked out

of the convent, my yes, it took me a while to

realize that, hey, I fulfilled one vocation.

That's enough as a religious sister. and I was

okay with it. Was I still angry? I held a lot

of anger, resentment, and hurt still from it,

from the community itself, but I knew that was

not my direction. So then when I had met, and

I was like, oh, I always wanted to meet a guy.

And when I met Danny, so my process was like,

oh, I met a guy who loved me for me. I told him

I was a sister, he didn't run away. He was like,

yeah, and we fell in love. So it was like wow

this is what it means to fall in love with a

guy and to have dreams with and I always said

I would go to any place that will keep his sobriety

because what conflict was interfering that was

the alcohol was the disease and I had to learn

another process is learning about the disease

of alcoholism and addiction and I didn't really

know I thought like I could stop so here I My

behavior was I was an enabler. I was a manipulator.

I did trying to bargaining, yelling and everything,

thinking that I have every power for him to stop.

But that didn't work. And I didn't know. That's

what I'm saying. In all of these situations,

trauma, pain, sufferings in the past, when I

was in it, I did not really know what the solution,

the healthy solution was until it was just trickling.

One thing after another, one thing after another.

So when Danny died, what was my process then?

I did not want to live. I didn't have a process.

Talking about negativity and the dominoes effect,

I really thought, Debbie, and this is one thing,

it's so hard to relate to anyone. I really thought

I was in this like part of my life or this life

of mine that I wasn't gonna, that was gonna be

dark all the time, darkness. Like I surrendered

to darkness, I surrendered to suffering, I surrendered

to pain. And I never thought I'd get out of it.

And at this point, I didn't wanna get, I was

like, I'm tired because throughout my life I

was trying to get to something good, something

good. Okay, I got something good, it's gone.

I get something good, it's gone. And here, When

Danny, when I found him dead a month before our

wedding day, that's it. I'll be in the summer.

I'm so sorry. I know it's hard. I'm just so,

you know, it's such a traumatic situations here

that we're talking about. I'm so sorry about

that. But you came out the other side because

you're here. Yeah right and you're talking about

it so that's really the most important thing

but yes one thing i just like to say quickly

is that when i have feelings sometimes you can

say like negative positive feelings but sometimes

they just feelings that i have to feel. And that's

part of my process. And there's nothing wrong

with that. But if that leads me to a depression

or to do bad things, maybe like commit a crime

or something. I'm talking about like a really

bad thing or something like that. If it leads

me to something where there's really a bottom,

then that's something that I might want to say,

I could probably do better than this. I don't

want to do this anymore. And that's the thing.

So but either way, I still want to feel those

feelings, but I don't want to do anything to

access. That's what I'm trying to say. So what

is your life now? How do you feel? Second, based

on everything we just talked about the podcast,

everything, your feelings and different things.

And how do you feel right now, right? The second.

I feel wonderful right now. Everything I've been

through, I had to go, I went through to be the

person who I am today, because yes, there was

a dark time when I found Danny dead. Like a real

long story short, I ended up coming into the

rooms of AA. I'm an alcoholic and I just celebrate

this month of April, 11 years of sobriety. And

that was another, it was eternal conflict, because

about that point I'm like, I can't be an alcoholic,

you know, but. I am. And in that, I work a 12

-step program. And in that, I was able to get

my real feelings back and able to say, hey, it's

okay to feel. And with these feelings today,

I have, whether it's sadness, joy, anything,

I'm a sober woman of faith that I know what to

do with them. I have a healthy solution. I try,

practice gratitude each day. I have all these...

like talking about your feelings, yes, your feelings

came up. And I realized in the past, I pushed

down my feelings. I got stuck in my feelings.

I had a nice pity couch with my feelings. I was

like, I drank my feelings away. I sometimes drugged

them or whatever, or I ran away. I ran away.

And now working a program, being who I am today

in these last several years, I've learned to

really work on myself through my program, as

well as just a new relationship with my higher

power. And that's a whole different process to

go through. And it was a process of in the beginning,

of course, I didn't trust anyone. I was so hurt.

I didn't smile for a year, two years after, before

this whole thing happened. But when I came to

realize, wow, I'm an alcoholic. Oh, I got accepted.

and just going through all that conflict because

I was like, I can't be an alcoholic. I was a

nun. What nun is an alcoholic? You know what

I mean? What this? What this? And your mind is

so true, Debbie. I think you shared it. Your

mind could do so much. It could be a power of

good, of bright things, but also it could bring

you such negative down -hole, whatever, negative,

nilly -nilly, whatever you want to call her,

you know? But yet, no, today, to share with you

and your listeners, I finally found out who Gina

is. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm able

to live life today. I could show up to life.

And I also realize life goes on with me or without

me. So there is grief that still comes in life.

There's still tragedy or things that happen,

but I know how to use them, the tools, or I know

what to do to... to embrace it or to live with

it or whatever it needs to give that peace. Because

today I live in peace. The bottom line is most

of the time. I mean, most of the time there is

a happy, joyous and free within me that I realize

that that's one thing that I was searching for

my whole life. Yeah, that's good. And that is

a very, very good way to close. And in closing,

I would like to say that All these things that

you heard in this podcast now started with a

negative and it ended with a positive and we

feel good and we feel happy and we're making

the best out of our lives. You know the best

we can and the most important thing is what do

i want to do with my life and my happy. With

my life now and is there something that i need

to go through and to come out the other side

because there is no such thing as a negative

situation because anything. Can be turned into

a positive even if it's just one negative feeling

doesn't matter what it is Anything can be turned

into a positive and my life will 1000 % get better

from that and that's really the bottom line as

we close this conversation is a reminder that

progress really comes from one big decision but

from the internal choices we repeat if Something

from today's discussion connected with you take

a moment to notice how those internal choices

showed up in your own life this has been the

Internal Shift Show. Thank you for listening

and thank you Gina for being on the show. I really

appreciate it. Thank you.