Heather Stewart: Stop Fighting, Start Flowing

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo. This show focuses on how internal decisions

shape direction, progress, and long -term outcomes.

Today's conversation uses real -world expertise

to examine how subtle internal shifts influence

the way people move forward. We have a very special

guest today, Heather Stewart. Thank you, Heather,

for being on the show today. I appreciate it.

Thanks, Debbie. I'm glad to talk to you today.

I'm going to ask you to tell your story and identify

either a traumatic experience or a life change,

something that you went through in your life

that kickstart a process or created you to go

through a process, right? Where you came out

on the other side, where there was a way out

for you, whether you knew it at the time, it

just happened. And this is what we want to. Talk

about a little bit here and then the end result

should always be positive. Now, there's a few

different reasons why I do this. And one of the

main reasons is because everybody has their own

individual story and people can point out, even

though no two stories are alike, obviously, but

people can point out something in your story.

It doesn't even have to really be what we're

talking about, but could be a little thing that's

a part of the story. So they're gonna see that

and they're gonna be able to identify with that

and if they're not feeling good And if they're

in this negative thing, whatever we're talking

about then they can see that They can come out

of the other side because you're explaining your

process and how you got through it and everything

So sometimes if I'm in a negative or I don't

feel right I don't see there's a way out. I don't

know. I just don't. I don't know if I could even

change. I have no idea. So now I say to myself,

it's going to be like this. I'm just going to

be like this and I'm just going to have to deal

with it when that's not true. It's never true.

But they don't know what they don't want to or

whatever the case may be. So that's really the

goal here. So that's what I'm going to ask you

to do. Thank you. I think it's important to say.

when you're in that space, it's hard to imagine

being out of that space. So give yourself some

grace in being stuck in that space and that you're

looking for something else. And I know that,

I mean, humans, we go through lots of things

in our lives. Sometimes I was trying to decide

which one to talk about because I've had a few,

but I think the one that might resonate a lot

is when I had a stroke. And it was so interesting

because I had left my corporate job to go into

this world of wellness and I went from being

like a corporate executive to running a yoga

studio and being a massage therapist and I was

all into wellness. So then I find myself in the

hospital and they're telling me that I've had

two strokes and at first I'm like, what are you

crazy? I'm the healthy person here. You've got

the wrong file. And it was during COVID. And

at the time, like I was running my yoga studio,

I was running my massage business and I was doing

a little bit of business coaching on the side

because I had a business background and all of

a sudden everything had to stop because I am

now in the hospital, which I had never been before

in my life. And because it was during, it was

in 2021. So because it was during COVID, you

were allowed to have visitors say, There was

no beds in the hospital. So I was actually in

the emergency room for three days. And it was

during Halloween in a major downtown hospital.

So there was like people coming and going. It

was crazy in there. And I've got this pounding

headache because apparently I have had a stroke

and I can't go anywhere. No one can come and

talk to me. And it had affected my vision. So

I couldn't even do what people do, which is go

into their phone. and school. So I'm just laying

there going, well, what the hell is happening

here? And I did the normal thing at first. I

was completely resisting what was going on. I

was like, no, this is impossible. You guys are

crazy. I want to go home. And I had to kind of

give myself a little moment and go, hold on a

minute. They're doctors. They've got a chart.

They've shown you the pictures. Stop fighting

with them. So I had to kind of like take a step

back and take a breath and go so if I just trust

that they're taking care of my body and my brain

and They know what to do to make sure that I

kind of come through this. What else can I notice

here? So For me when I it was I call it surrendering

to what was going on, but not giving up So I,

by stopping finding a guess what was actually

happening to me, but not really like I wasn't

saying I'm going to be like this forever. I was

saying, I'm not going to fight this because I

can't change this, but I can pay attention to

what's going on and how to, how to look at it

in a different way. So at the time, like I said,

I was business coaching, I had a business podcast,

I had all these clients. And I said, so. What

am I noticing that's different? And I noticed

all of the people out in the emergency room and

there was like adults there with their elderly

parents. And you could tell the elderly parents

to really didn't want to be there. They're like,

Oh, I just tripped. I was, I'm fine. Take me.

Like they wanted to go home. There were parents

there with their kids. And I was, and I was in

a cubicle when I had the curtains shut. And of

course there was the Halloween party goers were

there as well who got themselves into trouble.

And I'm thinking, There's a lot of life happening

outside of me. So if I can trust that I'm being

taken care of right now and shift my attention

to what all this information is giving me, I

realized that my process was trusting, was knowing

that I had all of my pieces kind of of my life

sorted out. I mean, I've been all about this

physical wellness for so long. that I forgot

there's an emotional wellness. So I said, I'm

actually pretty happy now that I've stopped fighting

with the doctors. And I'm feeling okay. Now I

know that's not going to be fair. People are

going to be stuck in that unhappy place. But

I just took a couple of breaths. I'm like, and

I knew that my community, the people in my relationships

around me were being supportive because they

were sending me voice messages because they knew

I couldn't read any messages. So they were sending

me voice messages wishing me well. And I knew

that my job was fine because my clients were

saying, oh, Heather, take a look after yourself.

I knew financially I was okay. And I knew, like,

I was being paused. I felt like I was being paused

on purpose to pay attention so that I could shift

that attention from fighting and driving forward

all the time to pausing and being okay with what

was going on. and finding out if I can be curious

about this instead of unhappy that it's the way

it is, what can shift for me? And it shifted.

I mean, it shifted so much for me because I shifted

out of this like driven person. Everything always

has to be go, go, go to hold on. We don't have

to drive forward. We're always moving forward

regardless. And we can go forward at different

speeds, different paces. we can take time if

we need to, to recover. I don't have to go back

to work next week. I can do it because I couldn't.

I tried, I actually tried because I hadn't convinced

myself yet. I actually tried to go back to work

and I could treat one person and then I had to

sleep for an hour. This isn't healthy. So let's

shift that too and let's allow for rest. So this

shift for me was allow it being in a place where

I could be curious about what was going on. and

allowing myself to absorb the, I guess, lessons,

the things that were coming out of it instead

of just, because we have that tendency to, when

we don't want it that way, we just fight, fight,

fight, fight. So stop fighting, start flowing,

really is your best way to kind of manage through

that. Very good, thank you. That was good. How

did you feel when you were going through this

process? Did you feel differently? from the beginning

till the end. And did you feel failure or you

were going in a different direction? When did

you feel or when did you notice that it was changing

direction? Hopefully for the positive, because

it worked out to be positive. So what was your

process with that type of thing? When I talk

about this incident, because sometimes I'll tell

people I had a stroke and they'll be like, oh

my God, how terrible. And I kind of now, at the

time, later, I kind of laugh and say, actually,

it was amazing for me. It was a three -day silent

retreat imposed by the universe on me because

I had nobody to talk to and I couldn't escape

it. And in the beginning, I did, like I said,

I still have the normal reactions when things

go wrong. because we have this brain that's designed

to keep things that seem safe the same. So it's

like, I'm in the hospital, that means I'm not

safe. Let me get out of here. There's something

wrong. And you're fighting, fighting. And it

was when I actually gave myself that minute to

go, wait a minute, hospital's a good place to

be if there's something wrong. So maybe we can

relax. And my shift was actually big considering

it was three days, because I was in that. fighting,

then I stopped fighting it. I started just being

okay with what was going on where I was. And

when I came out the other side, everything that

I did, my whole business and everything was different

after I, it was only three days, really. Everything

that I did afterwards when I came out was different

because I suddenly went, wait, it's not just

physical health. Cause I had been focusing a

hundred percent on physical health. It's not

just physical health. It's like, the whole person

needs to feel safe and supporting them. We can't

split ourselves into parts. It's not advisable

anyway. But you can look at chunks of your life

and you can say, my job's doing pretty good,

but I hate the people that I hang out with. Then

change something, like change small things. All

you have to do is change small things. Or you

hate your job, and then when you come home, you

you just crab all the time to your family. They're

not going to resonate well. They're not going

to have fun with you if you're always stressed

out at work. So it's like I had to expand my

view of how to best help people see a different

way of being. And if you can find pieces in your

life that are working well, grab onto those and

try to understand what about them is working

well. And then If there's part of some of your

life that aren't working well, you need to give

yourself some love because, first of all, it's

not your, like, don't give yourself a hard time

that you're there. I remember I fell in the desert

in Jordan and I broke my wrist. And the first

thought that went into my head was, well, that

was stupid. How could you fall in the desert?

There's no rocks here. And I heard this voice.

I'm like, be quiet, little voice. I'm fine. Look,

it's just a wrist. I got two. Let's go see what

kind of adventure I can go on. And I went on

a massive adventure through the hospitals in

Jordan. But you gave yourself permission to see

the possibility that something could be better

than it is. You don't have to know what the better

is. You can just trust that there is something

better. The universe takes care of whatever,

what the what is. You just have to be curious

and follow it. Very good. Yep. I agree, definitely,

100%. So you explained all of that. You explained

your process and everything and did you feel

at any point like you were not able to accomplish

what you wanted to do and did you feel that your

vision of it being positive or whatever it was.

is now going to go in the opposite direction.

So it's kind of like a feel of fear of failure

or denial or something like that. Did you feel

any of that? Because a stroke is to me is I never

had a stroke, but I've worked with people that

have had it. So to me, it's a very, very traumatic

thing because you don't know how you're going

to be when you come out of it. It takes years

and years. during this process that we're talking

about here, how did you feel? And also when you're

working with other people, did you feel that

that helped you to get over the stroke and the

feelings? And a stroke is a scary thing because

even with all of my knowledge, I knew how bones

healed, I knew how muscles healed, I knew how

to heal things. Your brain is like this black

box and you can't see it and you can't touch

it and you don't know what the heck's going on

in there. When I was healing, I mean, I found

that place of trust when I was in the hospital,

but then you're out of the hospital. And I can

remember I was in the hospital because I'm also

an artist and my thinking was like, how am I

going to paint? I can't see properly. How am

I going to do this? I can't. I had this fear

that my eyes were going to be forever crossed.

And I just, I kind of had to go, okay, well,

we can talk to myself like I was my mom. We can

figure this out. It's going to be fine. You know,

we'll figure something out. We'll get it working.

And when I got out of the hospital and I did

start working again, I had to really talk to

people about what was going on. Because we tend

to, when something's wrong, we pull back so much

because we feel like, oh, I can't tell people,

or I can't let them know that I'm weak or I can't

burden them. I mean, those are two... wrong thinking

things. So I had to kind of share with people

what was going on with me. And I was suffering

vertigo. So if I walked outside, it's hard to

describe, but I just, I couldn't do it. I had

to like shut my eyes and just say, someone lead

me somewhere. And I had to figure out a way to

rehab myself so that I could see properly again.

And the way that I did that was one, trusting

my own body, but also talking to people about

This is happening. How do we work with this?

How does this work? One of my friends sent me

to a specialist that he knew that I never would

have heard of. One person gave me this link to

a way to retrain your eyes and all of these things.

And coming out, being able to accept help. Some

people are afraid to say that they're vulnerable

and that something's going on. But how are you

going to get any help if you always have to be

the strong, independent, I got this person, where

I think it makes you stronger. Like I came out

stronger and I think more able to understand

everything that I've ever gone through in my

life. I always say to my clients, I've gone through

so much. If whatever's going on with you, I've

probably had it happen to me. So just let me

know and we'll figure it out. because it gives

me that experience of how I came through it and

then helping them navigate their way through

it. So like you say, at the beginning, everybody's

story is same, same, but different. Everybody's

got their own way to navigate it. So even if

you get like one thing out of talking to someone,

maybe it's that one thing that unlocks something

for you to be able to navigate what's going on

with you. Doesn't even have to be a stroke, can

be anything. But finding this way to, COVID made

us really isolated from each other. And I think

in some ways it continues. But we're starting

to find this way back out into the real world

and talk to real people. And I feel like talking

to people and being OK with talking to people

helps you reconnect and find that support and

that community and resources that are going to

help you in whatever it is you're struggling

with. Because doing stuff alone isn't the best

way to do things. Yeah. And I totally agree with

that. And you explain that very well. And very

detailed and i really appreciate that because

like i said we don't know who's listening and

for you to explain and talk about your story

which is so personal to you is a very good thing

because that shows us in a way that you went

through a certain process and you realized that.

there was something beyond what you were thinking

and feeling at that time. So if anybody has something

physical, especially like a stroke or cancer

or anything like that, some lot of times is normal

to feel depressed or down or unsure or fear or

something like that. But there's a lot of people

that have these things that happen and again,

it could be anything But this is what we're talking

about and I know this I've worked with a lot

of people like this It could be that somebody

this happens to somebody and they think that

they're gonna be like this Oh, I'm gonna be depressed

and I'm never gonna be happy again Never gonna

fulfill my dreams. You know, I'm just gonna be

like this and also Do I have any desire any willingness

not to be like that anymore? Or do I want to

do it and then I go backwards and then I say

I don't want to be like this and then I have

fear or Denial what's not so bad and then I go

back into it So these are the things so what

my thing is that I always want to listen to my

first thought And I want to be able to identify,

first of all, right, what my first thought is.

But that's another podcast for another day. But

one good way to do this is that what is listen

to your gut. You ever hear of the sixth sense?

Everybody has a sixth sense. People say, oh,

my gut feeling is listen to that, because that's

never going to tell you anything negative. I

can make all the excuses I want all the reasons

why. I want why I'm never going to change. And

this goes for anything, why I'm never going to

be different, why I'm never going to get from

negative to positive. I can make all the excuses

I want. I can point the finger all I want. I

can do this tons of things that I could do. But

the point is the bottom line is, do I have the

willingness just a little bit? To write to take

some action not to be that way and to know that

Just just for a minute. I don't want to be this

way Just for a minute or for an hour and then

what happened after that I'm gonna say oh, I

feel good for an hour. Let's do it for the next

hour Oh, I feel great. Now. It's two hours in

a row. This is fantastic I never felt like this

in years and years and years and I feel great

for two hours Yeah, that's a big thing. Why are

they why are you arguing for your limitations?

Why are you? Why are you arguing to keep these

things you don't want why let's let's try arguing

for something different like and this is to stand

up and say I don't want this I want this if somebody

is going through something this is I this is

one of the things I do but only if a lot of times

somebody is going through something that they

really cannot get out of They really see that

this is how they're completely convinced. But

can you feel different for a minute, even 30

seconds? I don't care how long it is. It doesn't

matter. Because if you could feel if you could

feel that I'm telling you, it's hysterical. If

you could feel better for 30 seconds, then you

could feel better for another 30 seconds. And

then guess what happens then? Then you've got

a minute. So now you can feel better because

30 seconds and 30 seconds is a minute. So now

you can feel better for another minute. Now you

got two minutes. And if I have to plan in massage

school, who I treated, this elderly lady, who,

she was like that. Nothing, she was never happy.

There was always something wrong. And one day

I was just tired. I'm like, her name was, her

last name was White, which was hilarious because

she was so black. And I said, well, does your

toe hurt? Does your big toe hurt? She said, no.

I'm like, hallelujah. Let's enjoy the fact your

big toe doesn't hurt. And after that she loved

me because I just wouldn't let her stay in that

I suck place. Like you can suck all you want,

but I'm not coming into your vacuum. Let's talk

about the things that are working. And that's

not to ignore, but like you said, 30 seconds

of feeling good, you're going to get addicted

to it. And that's not in a toxic positivity,

don't worry, be happy way. That's in the stuff

is going on and I still choose that I'm going

to be okay. So I just need somebody to help me

to change my mindset, to help me see that I don't

have to be that way anymore. And whether somebody

shows me or explains it or tells a story or I

listen to a podcast or I hear a neighbor say

something or whatever it is, that is something

where I can listen to that, even if it's just

a second and even if it's one small thought.

That says maybe I should try this, you know,

and but the thing is, I have to want to do that.

I have to seek help like that client sort you

out. Yeah. So that's the thing. Exactly. I need

to somehow some way create a very small willingness

to do something different. And my brain is going

to tell me that. But again, which way do I want?

Do I want to do it or do I not? So this is the

thing. But. I still need to take the action.

Yeah, you're not going to be like, right. I'm

going to do this and then I'm going to be like

that forever. You're going to go, yes, no, yes,

no, yes, no. But if you do a yes and you can

get a hold of somebody who can help you when

you're in the know, they'll help you back to

the yes. It's like that's part of the process.

Exactly. It's not a snow. Yeah, so that was good.

Thank you. So how do you feel today, right now,

based on your story, your process, everything

we just spoke about in this whole podcast? My

life, right now, I describe it as freaking magical.

So I have my coaching business and I still teach

and I'm writing books and I just feel like everything

that I do, I don't understand always why. But

I just think, wow, this is really exciting. I'm

going to go this way. This is really exciting.

I'm going to go this way. And every direction

that I follow that has that feeling of uplifting,

it's just making my life better. So now, if people

looked at my life, if they looked at all the

details of my life, they would point out things

in here that are like, well, that's not good.

That's not good. I'm like, no, it's fine. No,

it's fine. That's your evaluation. My life is

magic. My life is magic. And I get up every day

happy, really. It's very rare, very rare for

me to get into the grumpy pants phase of life.

Usually it's just if I didn't have enough sleep.

So I make sure I get enough, especially since

my stroke. I love naps. Naps are a superpower.

But 99 % of the time, my life is magic, even

when stuff's going sideways. Instead of getting

upset these days, I go, whoa, why did that happen?

Like something happened just yesterday where

my, it's interesting you say first thought, because

my first thought was, oh my God. And then my

second thought was, no, it's fine. It's fine.

Deal with that tomorrow. I'm like, I'll deal

with that tomorrow. So if you can find those

small shifts and they accumulate, you get to

that place where you just feel like it doesn't

matter what happens, like it or not like it is.

It's going to be an interesting ride and it's

going to be fun at the end. Yeah. Very good.

Yeah, I really like it. Yeah, that was very,

very good. I really like what you said. That

was actually a good way to end, too. So what

stands out from this conversation is that meaningful

change is built through consistent internal decisions,

not traumatic moments. If something resonated

with you, consider where those internal decisions

are already shaping your path. This has been

the Internal Shift Show. Thank you for listening

and thank you for being on the show. I appreciate

it.