Heike Yates: From Overtraining to Self-Trust and Sustainable Strength

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, Transformational Coach. This show explores

how the way we think, decide, and respond internally

influences where we end up over time. Today's

conversation draws on real experience and expertise

to look at how small internal shifts can change

direction, momentum, and outcomes. I'm joined

by a very special guest today, Heike Yates. Good

afternoon, Heike. Welcome to the show. My pleasure,

Debbie. Thank you for being here. I'm going to

ask you to tell your story and point out a life

change or traumatic experience or something that

happened to you and the process that you went

through and the end result of that. And the end

result should always be positive. Now, I do this

show for a few different reasons. And one reason

is because everybody has their own individual

story. But there are parts to people's stories

that other people can relate to. And maybe somebody

is stuck in a situation that they can't get out

of, a negative situation. Maybe they're in a

situation where they think that it's normal and

they just think, this is how my life is gonna

be. So anything that's any type of negative situation

or scenario or anything can always be changing

into a positive. So I don't believe that there's

really anything negative. This is what we're

trying to do here. And in my podcast, I have

all different stories of all different people

and then they explain what the process is. And

that's what we're really focusing on here because

Some people might think that the process is for

them to get out of the situation is a lot longer

than they think it's going to be, a lot harder,

harder, a lot more time consuming, when a lot

of times it's really not. And sometimes things

just come. This thing happened, this helped me.

Then this thing happened, this helped me. So

it's kind of to show that sometimes it's not

as difficult as it can be. Because to get out

of that negativity sometimes is really not that

easy. And if I think it's normal, or I don't

know really what to do, then I can get some education,

but I don't want it to be something where I don't

think that I could get out of this. Where I think

this is just the way that I'm gonna be and that

just holds me back I always feel that people

can constantly move forward, but I'm holding

myself back I'm not the world and the universe

or whatever it is that you believe in is not

holding me back And that's the thing so the more

positive I become the more I'm able to move forward

and the more successful that I am So if you could

do that for me, I would appreciate it. Thank

you I think my story started long before I even

realized it started. And I remember back after

my first born, I had gained a lot of weight.

I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy. And

I had no idea how to lose that weight. And that

projected me into the fitness industry, which

I always thought this is something I would never

do. This is not something that's fun. People

are sweating and there's a lot of hard work to

be done. But it seemed also the right path for

me to continue on, to learn more about what the

body can do, what the body is capable of, how

can we get to the maximum of what our bodies

can do in different phases of life as well. And

as I became a coach, I learned more and more

about the possibilities. And the more I learned

about those possibilities as not only a midlife

fitness expert, but as a sports nutrition coach

and also people that teaches regular exercise

classes, I learned that not only can you change

the life of people, but how it affects people.

And the more I learned, the more I tried it on

my own body, decided that Oh, this is great.

I learned how to build big muscles. My friend

said, oh, it's time to learn how to build big

muscles. And at that point, I was a young trainer

and I would never think that anybody other than

probably men would want huge ginormous muscles

on their body. But it was part of our journey.

And we decided that this what it's going to be

for us in that stage of life. So I became a bodybuilder

and that. took a lot of sacrifice, a lot of training,

a lot of hours not spending with your friends

because of the training it involved. And I felt

that pushing harder is the way to go. And I think

back at this time, I also did the same thing

with my client. I saw them as an extension of

me, of course. Back then, I was 30, mid -30s,

and I was like, yeah, come on, the body can take

anything. And so let's keep pushing. So after

three years of bodybuilding, I still hadn't learned

my lesson at this point. I was like, oh, we want

more. And so I got into marathon and then ultimately

marathon, ultra marathon running. So over twenty

six point two miles. And there was another path

that I took that was about harder, not smarter,

but do more. And when when followed that path,

I felt happy, I felt accomplished. And in hindsight,

when I think about the weight that I wanted to

lose that kept following me through the years,

and I felt the harder I pushed, the better it

would be, the less I have to worry about my eating

habits, the less I have to think about diets,

because every diet I tried didn't work out or

backfired. So I said with exercise, I can control

this weight gain, weight loss, and I can stay

in fantastic shape. And it doesn't matter that

I'm wiped out at the end of the day, that I need

to take extra naps, that I really feel exhausted

and not wanting to do anything else other than

running at this point. Of course, I did some

strength training on top of that. I knew how

to support my physical fitness, but it was always

more and more. And during that time, Actually,

my knee complained. My knee said, hey, what are

you doing to me? And I said, hey, me. I know

it sounds funny, but I do talk to my body that

it's fine. We can do this. We can do this. And

I remember very vividly, there was a 60 mile

training run that I had to do. I slugged through

it, pain and all. I took aspirin. My knee was

hugely swollen and I kept pushing and pushing.

And that was a point when I said, I need to change

things a little bit. And I decided, okay, I'm

going to give running a little bit of a break,

but maybe I can do other things. So I shortened

things. I became a little smarter in saying,

you know, longer. distance is harder may not

be better, but I still hadn't learned my lesson

just yet. And I said, well, if I can't run as

far, I can maybe do shorter things. So my knee

started recovering and I had competed in a duathlon,

which is a bike and a run. And I knew my knee

at this point could potentially handle the run

walk. and the biking was not as great for my

knees. So I found a solution. I'm like, hey,

my knee is great. I can move forward. It's a

great solution. And then I did the race and I

qualified for the national championships. And

in the national championships in Milwaukee, it

was a triathlon. So swim, bike and run. But I

couldn't swim. I had never really swam freestyle.

And I said, all right, we're going to learn.

to swim because it's also good for my body. So

from being harder, bodybuilding, pushing to the

brink with running ultramarathons 50 miles, I

was like, OK, there's maybe a better way in all

of this and maybe less competitive is also the

way to go. So I learned to swim and I still hadn't

learned my lesson because then I said, oh. I

learned to swim, I made it through the race.

Let's do an Ironman Triathlon, which is the longest

of all the triathletes. You swim 2 .2 miles,

you bike about 146 miles, something like this,

and you run a full marathon afterwards. So I

had plenty recovered. I said, I can do this.

In the end, I finished the race, but there was

a cost to it. The cost, not only that ever since

then I haven't basically run, but the cost psychologically

is like I pushed myself to the brink of such

a competitive feeling, so competitiveness. And

this is not something I wanted to bring to my

clients. Of course, they were proud that I did

this race and they were thinking, oh, you're

going to do more of this. And I figured it was

one and done. I don't want more of this. I've

pushed my body to where I'm now 64. through all

these years and I kept pushing harder and I have

to go back to the beginning of my story. I was

an obese teenager also. I was then an overweight

mom. The stories that I have experienced through

that path have traveled with me through the years

and they're still with me sometimes seeing myself

as this obese teenager or as this overweight

mom that is not loved. that is not invited to

events, that is sort of looked a little bit onto

as in you're less than. And these are things

that most of us tend to push away and not deal

with. And I think in hindsight, my way of dealing

with this was really diving into the fitness

industry and giving it my all until my body said,

I don't want to do this anymore. Isn't there

a better way to do things differently? Isn't

there also a way to honor your body more? Isn't

there a better way to trust and develop self

-trust in yourself and the things that you know

and you're capable of? And that's about the time,

give and take, where I also came across Pilates.

Pilates taught me a, and that's not the only

modality, it could be anything, but for me it

was fitness. Fitness was for me just a a very

different way of looking at what can I do where

I feel better, I still am strong, I'm still developing

confidence, I'm doing all the things but I'm

kinder to my body, I'm not beating myself up

and I can... Sleep better. I can focus better.

I don't feel I'm wiped out because now not all

my energy is going to this competitive drive

that I have. And it allowed me also through my

practice to think about the things of my past,

my self -worth. Who am I really? Am I defined

by my past or am allowing my past to define me

or will I finally step up? and pursue my spark

in life where I can be the person I am now, no

matter what age, and that I feel I'm not only

doing something physically good for me, but I

do something good for my longevity, for my overall

well -being. The piece this brought, of course,

I still miss those race shirts because you get

free t -shirts every race. Not that I couldn't

buy one, but it is such a mind shift from being

kind to yourself and accepting limitations instead

of pushing through harder and harder and beating

yourself up is the best thing that I've ever

done for my body. And this is what I'm teaching

the people that come in contact with. And they

all look at my trophies and my medals and all

this and they're in awe about this. And I say,

well, now at 65, I became smarter about what

it is I need to do. I don't do less and I don't

feel less because of it. It was something I did,

it was crazy times, but now I've learned that

there's a better way to do things and through

self -trust and confidence to develop that through

the time, it really makes a big difference. And

so many people think about self -trust. What

does it actually mean? How can I trust myself

with things If I'm not sure nothing has really

worked in the past, I would always say you just

haven't found the right approach. And I believe

that every 10 years, we need to pivot a little

bit, whether it's in our career, in our health,

in our activities, maybe in our friends as well,

that reflects where we see ourselves going forward.

And self -trust relies on what we've learned

in the past. And through those experiences that

we've learned, we now can trust we're not messing

up. We're trying out something new. We're going

a different path. And we may not get to the end

goal, but throughout the journey, we're learning

so many things about ourselves of what we will

allow and we won't allow. with ourselves and

with other people by setting boundaries as well.

Trusting what you know can't be that wrong. Trusting

that the steps you take forward, no matter where

it leads you, and so many of us in many older

ages, older than me, are embarking on new adventures

that are interesting, that are very different

from what they ever thought it's going to be.

Trusting that the next step will lead to that

next spark, that next moment that is fulfilling

your life as it is and leaving behind the feeling

of having to do things, must push through, have

to live up to comparison, and also overachieving

things that are, I don't know who gave us those

ideas, but it is It is a good time in life to

let go of those preconceived notions and allow

ourselves to move forward with confidence. Because

I always say, what you need is already within

you. And that's how I want people to see their

future. That was very, very good. Thank you.

The point where you were overweight, an overweight

mom and everything and then you knew that you

had to lose weight or whatever it was you were

thinking and then you went to the strength training

and all that. What was that process in between

that time? What was your feelings and your thoughts?

Did you have any special help? a therapist or

did somebody tell you that you needed to lose

weight or were you influenced by somebody? What

was that process exactly and how did that happen?

From the overweight teenager to the overweight

mom were two different scenarios. As a teenager,

the feeling was really not accepted in the community,

not being part of the... my friends, they would

have parties and not invite me or they would

drag me along if somebody was missing. So it

was really left out and my solace was really

reading books. And I read about stories with

adventure. I read about basically getting away

from all of this with the help of books. And

I read about coming to America, marrying a cowboy.

That was my notion when I moved to the States

from Germany, that this is where I'm going to

go. So my therapy, my moving through this was

books, was the stories that I could emerge myself

into, that I could see myself doing. And also,

I'm not sure what everybody's God is, but the

divine also came down and said, let's help this

girl out. And I got really, really sick and I

lost quite a lot of weight in a short period

of time. But my weight struggle continued through

the years because I had no tools of how to deal

with the weight loss and then not gaining it

back. What was it that I needed to do? But what

I really embraced was the stories in the book

and they carried me forward. And that ultimately

brought me in hindsight to the United States

because I did moved here over 40 years ago, and

I did not marry a cowboy, but an attorney. And

so when I had my first child and I gained 50

pounds, again, I was stuck in the same sentiment.

all this weight and I have no idea what to do.

And a friend of mine dragged me to an exercise

class at the local YMCA and she said, here in

these classes they teach you exercise, they show

you what to do, they work on your tummy and it's

a great community where you can meet other people

and you can take your son to childcare where

he is taken care of for the hour where you exercise

so you don't have to worry about it. And the

feeling I had through that exercise class was

almost like the feeling from the books. It gave

me a new story, another story that I could build

on, that I could make my own story. And when

they asked me at some point, they said, hey,

do you want to become a teacher? I said, me?

No, I'm not going to do this. And then my husband

said, why not? You're a people person. People

will love you. And I went back and I said, all

right, I'll get trained and and I'll I'll I'll

just start teaching classes, which didn't come

with a huge obstacle. I am deaf on one ear. So

I was learning the routine. I was learning choreography,

but I did not hear the music as it is in the

count of eight as I learned because I don't play

an instrument. And as I was going through the

training and I was ready to go and I did my routine

and the teacher said, you're completely off the

music. And I said, I don't understand what you're

talking about. So she played the music and she

said, here, this is what, and I said, yeah, it

looks just like what I'm doing. She says, no,

you're doing it to the melody. And still I did

not know what she was talking about. So she said,

here, let me try this. So she took my hand and

put it on the speaker. She said, feel the music.

And I could hear those, and she said, this is

what you teach with. And I'm going, oh, I had

no idea about that. So I went home, I practiced

the routine first with my hand on the speaker.

And then I was like, OK, I got it. Because I

practiced the same song over and over. But over

time, I learned what it means to I'm an Argentine

tango dancer as well. So I learned what the beat

is, what the where the music is and salsa dancing,

all these things. But this was another bridge.

To help me just from there, I was like, OK, now

what else can I learn in order to grow on that

knowledge to and always say exercise is my therapy

throughout all my years, whether it's perimenopause,

menopause. I was like, exercise is good for you.

And exercise was the cornerstone or is still

the cornerstone of everything, but in a different

way. Yeah, that's very good. So you definitely

explain that very well. And I thank you for that.

I was thinking of a lot of things when you were

sharing your story. And sometimes, and I know

this from a very long time of coaching and working

with people, that people influence other people.

That's true. But sometimes people really just

have it in their heart. In their mind in their

soul and they know what is going to happen and

they know what they have to do So it's kind of

like sixth sense or a little bit psychic type

of thing where some people need like super duper

direction Where people tell them they need therapy

they need this and that and this and that in

order for them? to really see that they really

need to change but some people just Yeah, you

naturally do it. Let's just say And it kind of

sounds like that was the case for you because

the way that you told your story just flowed

very well. And so it kind of sounds like one

thing just happened after another. And to me,

that's a really good gift that somebody has because

to me that's easier. rather than, you know, me,

somebody telling me this, you know, then don't

do it. Then I'm banging my head against the wall.

Then somebody has to tell me the same thing.

And then I still don't do it, which to me is

very common because I work with people that just

have issues. And that's just the way that it

is, because if they didn't have issues, they

wouldn't need somebody to help. But I work with

people like that happen, like I'm saying, you

know, that everything just came, you know, some

people just are stuck for a short period of time.

And some people, like I said, need a lot of help.

To me, that's a really good gift that some and

I had that too when I was going through the process

of doing what I'm doing now. But to me, that's

a really good gift. But here's the thing with

that. Everybody has that gift. And this is another

thing that I teach. Can you connect with that?

Can the individual not you personally, because

you did, obviously, but can the individual can

the listener? Can they connect with that? Do

they know how to do that? And that can be taught.

So this is what I'm saying. So there are always

things that I can learn. There are always different

directions that I can go into that will help

me become positive and have a better life and

meet my goals and dreams and all these things.

But here's the thing. The person, your average

Joe, the listener, unless they have like some

kind of like major training or something, just

your average Joe doesn't know this until until

they experience it themselves. The proof is in

the pudding. That's the bottom line. And then

when they do a little bit and then they say,

oh, wow, this is awesome. I can't believe my

life is this way, you know, and then I say, OK,

let's do a little bit more. And then they say,

oh, wow, it's even better. And then they can

see that they can do that. And then they have

that gift and depends on what how the person

goes in their process and all these things. But

they could see that that if they can't see the

gift or whatever, then they could just see that

they could move on. Depends on what what's happening.

But. I believe that everybody can do this and

everybody has this gift of sixth sense, a little

bit being psychic, kind of knowing what the next

step is to take. Yeah, I think many of us are

too shy or lacking the self -trust, is probably

a better way to say it, in that you actually

can do it, that you can move forward in getting

unstuck and getting out of the rut that you're

in and not... sitting there forever and feeling

sorry for yourself, there's such a great opportunity.

And in my spark method or framework, I call this

the scanning part. I want people, and I'm sure

that you said this in your practice too, we ask

our people, what's your why? And they're rolling

their eyes going, God, why again? What else does

she wants to know? And I re -coined it into the

scanning part. It's the same idea about scanning

your life. Where are you? What is good for you?

What do you not like? Where do you see yourself?

Where do you want to be? What do you need to

do in order to get there? And it's just not happening

by the blank of an eye and that for me, for instance,

I got a job after my first divorce at a fitness

club, but I was living on $300 a month covering

food, mortgage and everything else. And it was

by choice that I wanted to divorce. And I did

not plan on I didn't think about the financial

implications, which everybody, please, if you

do that, highly recommend. Financials need to

be in order. And I sat there and I really didn't

know what to do. And I trusted that I had the

skill to do this job, that I was reaching out

to people to connect with and maybe get their

ideas. So think of your community. And lo and

behold, this girl at this big health club here

in Maryland said, you know what, I'm leaving

my job. Do you want it? I'm going to recommend

you." And they took me. First interview, they're

like, you're hired. And this is creating that

you have to do the work. You can't just sit there

and wait for something to happen. So scan your

areas, move around, and always think nothing

is impossible. It may not be the right thing

in the end, but... By God, if you get to the

right spot, how you can blossom like when I started

fitness, I'd never in a million years thought

this is where I would be. But like you said,

I have something just happens and I have my self

-trust and I am determined. But if you don't

have that, you too, like you just said, you can

learn that. Baby steps. I agree, definitely.

We're almost out of time. So is there something

that I mean, that was actually a very good closing,

but is there something that you would like to

say quickly in closing or some motivational thought

or something like that? Whatever you think. I

think I always tell people what you need. You

already got inside of you. Discover it. Pursue

that spark. Okay, that was good. And in closing,

I would like to say that not only can I do whatever

I want to do and meet my goals and dreams, right?

That there's no such thing as a negative. That's

the bottom line. So not only can I turn that

into a positive, but I don't think that that

situation has to be a negative to begin with.

And if it's not... if i don't think it is or

it's just something i have to go through or it's

a situation there's all different ways to say

it when i don't think that it's a negative then

i can probably get out of it a lot quicker and

a lot easier but if i sit in it it just gets

bigger and bigger and bigger and then it becomes

a little bit more problematic so that was good

thank you so as we close this conversation as

a reminder that progress rarely comes from one

big decision, but from the internal choices we

repeat. If something from today's discussion

connected with you, take a moment to notice how

these internal choices showed up in your own

life. This has been the Internal Shift Show.

Thank you for listening and thank you, Heike,

for being on the show. I really appreciate it.

My pleasure.