Nan Saysana- Binge Eating

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, Transformational Coach. This show looks

at how the internal choices we make influence

the direction our lives work and take. Today's

conversation brings real experience in that space,

exploring how internal shifts quietly change

outcomes over time. We have a very special guest

today, Nan Susanna. Good afternoon, Nan. Welcome

to the show. Thank you so much for having me.

I was interested in hearing your story and what

happened to you and how you came out the other

side in a positive way. So maybe it was a traumatic

experience or some type of negative experience

that you had. And now you have a positive result

from that. And that's what we're trying to do

here, because the object is to show the listener,

right? That this can work for them. If they're

stuck in a space, they can get out of it. And

that's really... So if you could do that, I would

appreciate it. Yes, thank you so much. Yes. And

so I really like the title of your show, because

from the place I was in 30, 40 years ago to now,

there have been so many internal shifts that...

I'm so happy to share that, yes, it is possible.

So to go back when, well, 40 years ago, I think

it started when I was around 16, I started binge

eating. It started with a diet. So I started

losing weight, but then like many people, it

was not sustainable. Like many diets, it was

not sustainable. So immediately I regained the

weight, but then of course I wanted to lose it

again. And so I was then stuck in this cycle

that so many people know. which is the year you're

dieting. You lose weight, but then you regain

some and then you lose weight again and then

you regain some and all the time you think you're

going crazy. And that was me. And what was terrible

about that is that when I would stop respecting

my food dieting, I would eat. much more than

my body needed and that's what we call binge

eating. So I would eat fast, I would eat too

much, I would eat in a very short amount of time

a lot of food and I would feel miserable not

only physically because of course I was stuffed,

I was overstuffed but also emotionally speaking

I was thinking what's wrong with me? Other people

are not doing this. Why am I doing this? What's

wrong? What's wrong? So for 30 years, I was stuck

in that cycle and I kept looking for the solution.

I thought, OK, maybe it's the food that I eat.

So a lot of people suggest not to eat sugar.

Let's not eat sugar. Some people are vegetarian.

Could I be a vegetarian and solve my issue? No,

that didn't work. Lots of people say, well, calories

in, calories out, so maybe I should exercise

more. So I ran marathons. But it didn't solve

the issue. So I kept looking and looking and

looking. And I'm glad I was that curious, because

if you keep looking for the solution, well, eventually,

of course, you're going to find something. I

think it's Thomas Edison who said that he didn't.

What is it? He failed 10 ,000 times before he

actually found what was working. And I feel this

way. I got stuck so many times. I tried so many

times and it didn't work until finally. I started

hearing a podcast. I started listening to it

more intentionally. And that's why I love podcasts

so much. It shifted the way I was thinking. But

it didn't happen magically as I wish it had.

But on the contrary, I started listening to the

podcast and it said that if I was overeating,

if I was binge eating, it was not randomly. Out

of nowhere, it was because of the way I was feeling.

And the way I was feeling didn't have anything

to do with the weather, with what other people

had told me on that day. But the way I was feeling

was coming from my thoughts. And so when I heard

that the first time, I was really, really disturbed

because I had never heard that before. So it

was really mind blowing. So I stopped listening

to the podcast and then I went back to my old

ways and it stayed in my mind. And so I went

back to the podcast and listened to it again.

And the more I listened to it, but stopped and

went back to other things, the more it made sense.

And little by little, I understood that, okay,

that's what's happening. When I feel miserable,

I actually look for comfort in food, which is

so common, I think, I know. But at the time,

it was just a new realization. And so Slowly

but surely, the way I was treating myself, the

way I was talking to myself, so the way I was

feeling changed, which means that the way I was

eating changed too. It took some time, but I'm

so glad I was resilient and persistent for so

many years because it helped me change that behavior

that I hated. It was really hell for me. And

it was possible for me to change. So that's why

I think it's so important that your origins and

other people hear about that, because it's possible.

Sometimes you feel you're stuck and there's no

way out, but it's not true. There is a way out.

It's just that it may not look like what you

think, what you thought it would look like, if

it makes sense. Yeah, so that was good. So did

you have any professional training? Well, the

podcast you said you were listening to? Did you

do any self help? Did you have any mentors or

anybody tell you that you had this issue? Or

did you just do it yourself? What was your process

of how you thought you could change? How you

knew you could change? And what was the actual

process of what happened when you were changing

out of that negative space that you were in?

Yes, such a beautiful question. So I didn't have

any professional training. I used to be an English

teacher here in Paris where I live. And so I

didn't know anything about self -help, about

psychology or this. But after hearing this podcast,

I was curious and I saw that it was working,

that I was shifting, that I was not eating as

much as often, as intensely. And I was noticing

progress. That's when I actually, yes, started

studying some help. And basically it was based

on CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I started

understanding more and more. And it was fun and

I love studying. So I wanted more of that. So

I did it mostly on my own, but following a program

that was around coaching and teaching this exact

framework, which is that Your thoughts create

your feelings and your feelings drive your actions.

And then of course it has an impact in your life.

So I know that some people go to therapists and

I think it's beautiful. I was so ashamed when

I used to think of I'm the only one, something's

very wrong with me. I felt like a freak. So I

didn't want anyone to know. And I didn't want

to share with a counselor or a therapist. It

would now... In retrospect, when I think of it,

I think it would have been a very good idea.

It would have probably solved my issue much earlier.

But at that time, I didn't know. I'm also glad

I did it this way because I learned so much because

through this program where I learned that my

thoughts were creating my feelings, my feelings

were driving my actions. I also was so interested

and invested and saw so many changes that I started

studying to become a life coach myself through

this program. And I got certified. And then the

funny part is, it sounds funny to me now in retrospect,

but I never thought about changing my life and

my career. I liked being an English teacher.

I wanted to share what I knew about the English

language. I love speaking English. So I never

thought about changing career. But then when

I was certified and there was a position opening

in the school I was, I had trained in, I thought,

why not try? And I got the job. And so I thought,

OK, now I can't do both. I have to make up my

mind. And that's when I actually decided to become

a life coach full time. And so it was one of

the beautiful surprises coming from what started

so badly with the struggle for 30 years. Not

only did I change my eating behavior, I changed

my body, I changed my health. I changed my mindset,

which is so important to this day. And I heard

you talking about your routine, like brushing

your teeth. You just do it. And this is what

I do too. I journal every morning. This is what

I do. And I feel bad when I don't do it. It's

just, oh, something's missing. Something's wrong.

So that's definitely part of me and my life now.

But also, that was the unexpected bonus. I changed

my career. I was already fulfilled as an English

teacher, but I'm even more fulfilled. My clients

are amazing as a life coach. And I didn't expect

that at all. It was not on the plan at all. So

I'm very grateful for this process and so many

gifts coming from it. It makes sense. And that's

very good because you knew to do it. And you

did it and you took the action. You didn't only

think and know, but you created the willingness

to actually move forward and do it. And what

happens? You got a positive result from it. And

to me. What I'm hearing is that that's only because

you knew that that was going to happen and I

call it creating a knowing So what happens is

I know deep down inside of me. There's no question.

I don't have to ask anybody There's no thought

or nothing I just know it 100 % that it's gonna

work, this is gonna be effective, and what I'm

gonna do or say is not gonna fail. And that is,

that takes a while. That's something that I teach

too. And that takes a while, but when I learn

that, that is what I can do with anything that

I want to do it with. Anything that I want or

feel or whatever, it just comes easy for me to

do that. I don't have to bring in a certain type

of energy or power or something to help me. I

just know it. It's all the way deep down inside

of me. in my heart and my soul. It's kind of

hard to explain, but this is one of the things

I teach too. I'm a coach also, just like I said

in my intro. So how do you feel now today as

a result of everything that's happened, your

story, your feelings, everything that we just

talked about, because the food and the thing

The actual thing that you went through, right,

is just that. It's just the thing. But what's

included, what's the most important thing that

we're trying to talk about here, is your thought

process. That can include your feelings, negativity,

anger, anything like that. Denial, ego. And those

things, negative negative things or whatever,

is part of your thought process. And most of

the time, that's what takes people from one side

to the other, or they don't want to have that

those thoughts anymore. This is the whole thing.

This is really the whole point of this podcast.

So how do you feel to not only with the food,

which is fine, of course, you're going to talk

about that, obviously, but if you could focus

on more what your thought process was. How do

you feel today? What is the end result of everything

we just talked about in this whole entire podcast

so far? Your story. Yes. So I feel extremely

proud of what I've achieved, especially that,

yes, I had this knowing you were talking about

that I knew there was a solution. I knew the

people I know I knew were not behaving the same

way. So I knew that there was a way. But there

was also sometimes the doubt, can I do it? Is

it possible for me too? So there was both, I

guess, but deeply, you're right, there was this

knowing underneath. So I'm incredibly proud of

myself because it was not easy. I wish, I so

wished it would have been magical overnight shift,

overnight 360 degree change. It was not. But

I'm also glad because I learned so much and that's

the beauty. That's I think that's my thoughts

now I know that just like any heroes basically

in a movie in a novel I'm going to have ups and

downs Whereas before I used to think okay, it's

not going to magically happen and it will be

a breeze No problem there or I'm going to stay

stuck and now I know no it's going to be a bit

of both I'm going to move forward and it's not

going to be easy but As I move forward, I'm going

to learn things. And what I know now is that

it's going to get easier and easier. I'm going

to do it faster and faster. And what took me

years to change my eating behavior? Now I know

that I can, I'm so much faster to change my thoughts

from nothing's going, everything is a catastrophe

or what my brain loves doing to no, I'm going

to. to be fine. And for instance, last week there

was a mistake in the fact that a client got charged

twice and I was mortified. And years ago, if

that had happened, I would have been mortified

for days. I would have been ashamed. I would

have thought, oh, how could they let this happen?

But last week I got the notification that she

had been charged a second time. I felt panicked

and immediately I thought, okay, but there's

a solution and I'm going to make it right now.

And so I immediately took action, as you said,

and that was all. So I was not really happy that

it had happened, but the difference between me

before panicking around food, but also around

money, around work, around words that I had said,

or I had exchanged with other people, and now

when the same things can happen, but I'm much

faster bringing myself back to, okay, we're going

to solve this and feeling calm. This, I think,

is really the precious gift that I've learned

through my struggle with food. For instance,

just that, yeah, I can shift my thoughts much

faster and then I feel much better. So I feel

proud of this. I feel accomplished. I feel hopeful

also for the future because whatever I decide

to try, I know it's not going to be easy, as

easy as I would like it to be, but I know that

I'm going to manage, just manage or even succeed.

much better. So yeah, I think that's the main

thing that I'm thinking that the thought process

now has changed. And it's not working against

me, like my brain offering me catastrophizing

thoughts. But when it does, it's just, there's

also another option that's available much faster

to me. And that's, that's really great, I think.

Yeah. So another thing I teach is cancel. So,

and what you did was you canceled because you

said you had a negative feeling and you said,

okay, I can get through this. We're not going

to do this anymore. Now I'm going to get through

this and now we're going to do something else.

So there's a way to control your mind instead

of your mind controlling you. And the way that

one of the ways that I do it is that I teach

is cancel or delete. Like if you don't want a

word and you press the delete button on the computer

and that erases the word. So this, so that's

what I want to do is I want to cancel it out.

I could say cancel or I could say we're not going

to do this anymore or we can get through it or

whatever it is. And when I do that, I'm not sitting

in the negative. I'm saying to my mind, okay,

That thought is completely gone. It doesn't exist

anymore. And now we're going to replace it with

this thought. I can't do it. Oh, a lot of times

I say just say the opposite. If it says I can't

get a job, you say cancel. I can get a job. So

it's just the opposite of what I'm thinking.

So just changing a negative to a positive is

just saying I can't. And I can just simple like

that. Of course, you can make it can't make it

more more involved and. do the thing or whatever.

But in the beginning, if the person doesn't know,

and they're just trying just to say the opposite

of what that thought is, it will work. Because

now I want to say it, then I want to do it. Because

the thought has to be followed by an action.

Because if it doesn't, then it's just a thought.

It doesn't really mean that much. You could think

about it and think about it, but eventually it

doesn't have to be followed by an action that

minute. You know what I mean? You could think

about it and think about it, but eventually,

if it's not followed by an action, it's just

gonna go away. So it's either a thought I want

or I don't want. That's completely up to me.

But if I'm interested in changing and I wanna

go through a process of changing, right? I wanna

be willing to do this, okay? I wanna basically

acknowledge that there is something wrong. There's

something going on. And how do I do that? I'm

looking at myself instead of pointing the finger,

pointing the finger. You're the problem. The

problem is my husband. My mother did this to

me. And that's why I feel sad all the time. And

when I do that, I can't acknowledge anything

about myself and I will not be able to have the

willingness. So these are some things I teach.

I'm saying a lot of stuff here, but That's really

what the bottom line is. So this was very, very,

very good. It was definitely an enlightening

conversation. Is there anything you would like

to say in closing? Yes, I agree with you. It

was very, very interesting and I love your idea

of canceling or deleting. I like to be to use

the analogy that it's like an invitation. You

get an invitation and you can say yes, please.

I really want to think I can never ever make

it. But you also have this ability to say, no,

thank you. And you can even be amused. No, come

on, brain. We're no longer thinking about that.

We're no longer thinking that way. It can be

fun to, yes, not believe everything our brain

says. Yes. Thank you so much, yes, for having

me and share this with me. I really liked it.

Thank you. As we wrap up, this conversation highlights

how small internal shifts can create meaningful

change. If something from today stayed with you,

take a moment to reflect on how it connects to

your own direction and decisions. This has been

the Internal Shift Show. Thank you for listening.

Thank you, Nan, for being on the show. I appreciate

it. Thank you so much.