Randy Bishop- Toward Resilience

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, Transformational Coach. This show looks

at how the internal choices we make influence

the direction our lives and work take. Today's

conversation brings real experience into that

space, exploring how internal shifts quietly

change outcomes over time. We have a very special

guest today, Randy Bishop. Randy, good evening.

Thank you for being on the show. Thank you very

much for having me, Debbie. It's a pleasure being

here. Thank you. I wanted to talk a little bit

about your story and some things that happened

to you, anything that was negative, maybe a traumatic

experience or some type of life experience or

something that happened and the way that you

came out on the other side. So that negative

scenario or example turned into a positive. And

that's really all that we're asking for here

because what's in the middle is going to be what

you say. So you want me to head off and do it?

So here we go. So I'll tell you what, it started

a long time ago. I got married when I was 20

years old, and from the get -go in that marriage,

I had nothing but trouble. And I was a 20 -year

-old kid from the country, and I'd gone to Bible

college, and I met a gal, and I don't want to

pan my kid's mother, but I ended up being married

for 30 years. And it was very, very difficult,

30 years, on top of her being in counseling for

the better part of 30 years, and just nothing

ever got better. And I was constantly just pouring

in and pouring in. And what I've learned over

my entire life is that I have poured into a whole

lot of people, and I didn't have a whole lot

poured back into. And so I remember one time,

just an argument with this, my ex -wife and just

saying, It's not that there's one big thing.

It's just that I've been pinpricked a million

times, and I'm just empty. I'm just empty. And

part of the process of my life at that time was

I've been a musician my whole life and trying

and struggling. That's not an easy career to

have, but ended up moving into ministry and doing

music in church, which is a thankless job oftentimes.

And sometimes Having people who were control

freaks kind of being in charge of what you're

doing and so then I was getting hit at home and

then I was getting hit at work and the place

that I'm supposed to be the safest and I just

One day after 30 years. I just I had to say I

can't do this anymore and that began the first

step of my process to say I've got to do something

better. I've got to do something different. And

I moved away from that. And it was not easy.

It was not easy to stand up for myself. I'm not

even sure I had my process down other than just

enough strength to move on and move forward.

Did you do this by yourself? Did you have any

type of guidance? or help or any type of self

knowledge to know that you needed to come out

on the other side or do something different or

change what you were doing or create an awareness

or a willingness in some type of way. That's

a big point that we're trying to make here only

because this to me is the first step in what

I need to do. I had little points along the way

where I realized that there were times where

I was not with my wife that I was happy. And

I was just weighing those things, going, why

is life like this? And then I'd go to work where

I was supposed to be happy. I was in ministry

for a long, long time, and it should be a really

happy, great place to work. And I was great when

I was on stage and I was leading on a Sunday.

I was great when I was dealing with people one

-on -one, but I hated being in the office. I

hated the almost toxic atmosphere that I was

surrounded by. Again, I ended up toward the end

of the first ministry job I had, I ended up,

I'm an eater. I like to eat. I don't drink. I

don't smoke. I like to eat. I ate like three

meals in a row, watched two or three movies at

the local theater, and I ended up calling a friend

of mine and saying, I am about to get on the

highway and just drive away. I am, I am so fed

up and my friend said, what do I need to do for

you? And I said, you need to call my wife and

you need to say, if he comes home, he needs to

quit his job and you need to quit arguing with

him. But I'm not even sure I'm going home. And

so my friend ended up making calls and saying,

listen, go home. And I ended up doing by just

that. Now it didn't, it was a bandaid. But it

was that first step of realization that I'm kind

of going crazy. I don't see anywhere who I am.

It lines up with who I am inside. And so years

of this years and just a little bit of better

and then a lot of worse and then a little bit

of better and a lot of worse. So those moments

of clarity, those moments of wow, when I'm not

around this person or when I'm not around this

person, I'm actually happier. started to really

weigh on me. So standing up for myself was hard

because I grew up with the idea that I was always

supposed to be married. Once you're married,

you're always married. And it was just a real

hard realization that I just I have to protect

me. So that's what happened. I just moved into

it's time to move on. And then what I did is

just repeat the same problem. I actually did

exactly the same thing and jumped into another

relationship. And I wasn't really ready for that.

I'll give myself that problem as I should have

been more attuned to who I needed to be, but

I was just hurting and I jumped into another

one. And we had a really great relationship for

a while, but I ended up finding these same patterns.

And then one day, and it was about a year ago,

I woke up early morning on Easter morning in

2025, about 4 a .m., and I just literally said

to myself, is this it? This, I am almost 60 years

old. Is this the culmination of my life that

I'm just miserable all the time? I don't like

this. And so I got up and I took my laptop to

the kitchen table. And I started the process

of just tearing life apart and just saying, what

is it that doesn't work for me anymore? And what

is it that I really think? And what is it I really

want to be? And who do I really want to be? And

what do I really want to do? And I'm probably

going to make adjustments that are going to be

hard. But probably that after 40 years of being

alive and as an adult, probably was the most

clarifying moment of just waking up harsh, just

saying, I can't be this way anymore. Yeah, it's

good. What's the definition of insanity again?

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting

different results. But this is what we do not

i mean i have a million examples and my own personal

example my own personal journey and story it

has to do with that. It includes that in a lot

of things that I've done. But maybe you had knowledge

or awareness maybe from your ministry or from

people, you being influenced by people saying,

you have to change, you can't do this anymore.

And sometimes people see a change in me or the

fact that I need to change, that I'm unhappy

with myself. Sometimes people see it before I

do, like way before I do. The thing is that I

don't want to point the finger, like you were

saying, when nobody's around, you're happy. And

I'm that way, too. I was like that for a long,

long, long time. But the problem is that I can't

spend my life on an island with nobody there,

only me. I wish I could. But that's not reality.

Anywhere I go, I'm with people. I can't be not

with people, I can't be alone, it's impossible,

I can't live that way. And your age factor too,

that's another thing too, because I know a lot

of people that say, oh, I'm old, 60, even some

people tell me they're 50, and I'm like, I'm

over the hill, I can't find a job, my life is

over. So this is very important. And I want to

explain this to people that these things are

doable. These things are achievable. Whatever

the person is going through or whatever the person

is stuck on, these are ways that you came out

of the other side, regardless of how you got

there. Like maybe previous experience you might

know, you might not even know. It could just

be like an instinct type of thing. However, you

got there, but everybody has their own individual

journey Everybody has a plan for themselves and

that's the most important thing. What is the

positive? What what came out of this that was

positive and you said that well I tell you what

one of the I mean coming out of ministry coming

out of my whole life I grew up in church and

then spent all these years in ministry There

was this verse from John 14 27 and it says peace

I leave with you my peace I give to you. No,

don't let your heart be troubled. Don't let it

be afraid and I called that my life verse, but

I never lived in peace and just sitting around

scratching my head going, I'm begging for peace.

I'm telling my wife, I'm telling my friends,

I'm telling people at work in ministry work.

I want peace. Why can't I find peace? And then

realizing that I'm giving and I'm giving and

I'm giving and I'm not receiving anything in

return. And then I had to start understanding

that I am not a person who wants to go to a the

desert island. I have to be around people. I'm

a I'm a people person. I'm alone for the first

time in 60 years and I don't like it. It drives

my nervous system a little crazy, but at least

I'm working on me, you know, and I'm and I'm

getting myself since Easter of last year lined

up better and better. But I just realized that

it means that some people. I can't be around

and it's sad. It means that some people will

never understand when I tell them this is exactly

what I need. And they're never going to be able

to provide it. If you told me that I'll do everything

I can to help you. But there are some people

that will never respond the way I would respond.

And that was a hard realization to think that

you love somebody or they say they love you and

they'll never be able to help. And so I realized

that along the way, and I started coming up with

a really a a process for myself where I was looking

back, not dwelling and living in the past, but

going, wow, what have I held onto that didn't

work? Because I've been doing it insanity the

same way over and over and over. And they're

not serving me. These beliefs, these habits,

these things that maybe we were raised from childhood

to do just because grandma did it or mom did

it or whatever. And I had to just take those

into the into the present and say, how do I reframe

that? How do I make this turn into something

good for me or else just throw it away? And then

I had to say, OK, now what's this collection

of stuff I want to live with? And how do I make

myself follow that? Because that is a process

that's not easy. It's not easy to do one step

at a time. I think we take a bite and then we

we can conquer it. But that was the process.

A friend of mine just said, man, most people

tear apart one issue and you're tearing apart

everything. I don't envy you." And I said, I

don't envy me, but I just had to do it. I just

had to just go and I left my second wife and

I got a job in another community in another state.

And I just rebuilt myself and I wrote a book

and I worked and I decided who I wanted to be.

And now at 60, I am enrolled in school full -time

again. I mean, I am recreating me from the ground

up because I'm saying this is who I am and this

is who I'm going to be. And that's what I would

say to anybody is we can do that. We we're not

done. I'm 60 years old. It's scary at first,

but I've been enjoying school. I've been enjoying

learning and I've been enjoying understanding

old Randy as he becomes real. Yeah, that was

good. I went to college in my 40s. And I studied

criminology and criminal justice, and they have

a thing called it's a it's not really a course.

It's like curriculum kind of thing. And it's

called lifelong learning. And it's free. And

anybody can do like an older. I have to have

probably over 60 or something like that. There's

probably like an age requirement or something,

and they don't give you tests or anything or

quizzes or anything. And 80 year old men were

there. It's a it's a government. It's a state

school. So it's run by the state. So I really

like that. I thought that was just very awesome

because right. That's showing that it's very,

very positive thing. That's showing that anybody

can do anything. And these things evolve. They

change like school, classes, careers, things

that we learn. These things are evolving constantly.

They're constantly changing. So by doing that,

going to school in, you know, past 20, whatever,

or 30, you're keeping up with the times and you're

you're. You're evolving with the learning, different

things like that. But the one thing that I wanted

to mention was that not only all the positive

things that you said, right, but also that you

were talking about somebody loving you and, I

mean, you loving them and they couldn't love

you or whatever. We have a saying, detach with

love. So if I feel that, and this might relate

to you or it might not, but this is just what

I got out of what you said. So if I feel that

somebody can't give me what I'm giving them or

I'm not comfortable being around them or something

like that, as long as I see the positive in what

I'm doing and as long as I've cleaned up my side

of the street and I'm not pointing the finger

and blaming the other person, then I've done

all that I can do. Or I don't have any resentment

as long as I'm healthy enough to see. And maybe

there are people that I know I've worked with

that they are like they are married and they're

like just maybe in addiction or just really negative.

And then once they change, they see the person

completely differently and they're like, who

are you? I don't want to be married to you. And

they get a divorce, you know, and now and I've

had a few people. I mean, this might sound a

little traumatic. But I've had a few people that

have done that because, like I said, welcome

to the world of perception. Everything is perception.

So now they were one way, their mindset was one

way, a certain way, and now they like that person

or whatever. They like them enough to marry them.

And now their mindset is completely different.

And they've totally changed. I'm talking about

100 % over the top change. They're literally,

if you spoke to them, you wouldn't recognize

them. They're a completely different person.

Now they see that spouse completely differently.

And I have a million examples of people with

jobs. marriages, boyfriends, relationships. I

mean, I have so many examples of this. And you

are a good example of that also because this

is the type of stuff that you were mentioning

also. So how do you feel today based on everything

that you've said, the way that you came to the

positive out the other side, all this whole conversation

that we've just had? How do you feel the exact

day to day as a result of all of that? This has

been a journey since last Easter and my journey

since last Easter was I am not going to be the

same man anymore, period. And it made it a hard

journey, hard choices, doing things I've never

done, moving. I mean, enrolling in school was

huge. And it was scary. It sounds stupid for

a 60 year old guy to say it, but I just decided

I was going to do it. And I'll tell you what,

I sit in class and some days I go, this is stupid.

But then some days I go, but look what I'm doing.

And everybody says, wow, I'm so proud of you.

Look what you're doing. You've got it. I've got

friends who've been to school as adults. And

I keep saying, yeah, but you went to school when

you were 30. Yeah, but you went to school when

you were 50. I'm 60. And they're like, yeah,

so you're better than us. And I don't think they

think that, but I mean, I am doing something

and that feels good. I've set my mind to things.

I've told my best friend, Mike, he comes over

a lot. And a lot of times it's just cause he's

worried about me because he knows I'm alone for

the first time. He knows I'm in unchartered territory,

but I've told him, I've said, I am just decided.

And my family knows, my kids know, my mother

knows, everybody knows, I am on this journey

to be me. And I might not do things the way you

like it. It might not look like old Randy, and

it's gotta be okay. Because new Randy is gonna

be this. And he might struggle along the way,

but he's struggling to be him. He's not struggling

to be somebody for somebody else. He's not struggling

to put up with things that don't feed him. He's

not doing that anymore. he's becoming Randy.

And that's really been the exciting part of it.

Scary sometimes, sure, but exciting because I'm

60 and I'm a freshman in college. It's just kind

of weird, but I'm having a blast doing it. I'm

looking forward to the next day. I'm looking

forward to podcasts. This is fun, being able

to tell my story, talk about what I do. I was

at school the last couple of days and had great

quiz scores and I'm doing fabulous and grading

and I'm just I'm excited that all the fear is

going away because I'm showing I'm showing myself

what I actually can do and no one else is here

doing it. No one else is keeping me from doing

it or talking me down. I mean, it's me and it's

pretty exciting. That was good. You knew you

needed to change. You searched within yourself

and you found it. And that's really, really,

really the most important thing. OK, so as we

wrap up, this conversation highlights how small

internal shifts can create meaningful change.

If something from today stayed with you, take

a moment to reflect on how it connects to your

own direction and decisions. This has been the

internal shift show. Thank you for listening.

Thank you, Randy, for being on the show. Thank

you, Debbie.