Rick and Clancy- Life Transitions

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo. This show looks at how the internal choices

we make influence the direction our lives work

and take. Today's conversation brings real experience

into that space, exploring how internal shifts

quietly change outcomes over time. We have two

very special guests today, Rick and Clancy. Good

afternoon, Rick and Clancy. Welcome to the show.

Thanks for having me. I should be here. Yes.

Thank you for being here So one of the reasons

why I have this podcast is so people can see

that if they have an issue or a life change or

traumatic experience or something there's a way

out and There you could turn anything that's

negative into a positive because it's not really

things are not really negative It's just on how

we perceive them. So I'm gonna ask you to tell

your story about whatever you want, whatever

traumatic experience or life change or whatever

it is that you had and how you got through that.

What's your process and what was the outcome?

So if you could do that, thank you. So I guess

a little over three years ago, we were about

to become empty nesters and the word in itself.

empty is such a negative connotation. Our daughter

would be the last one to leave. We had a very

close relationship. All the things I had seen

out there was how sad it was. Everyone was miserable.

What were we going to do? I looked at Rick one

night and I said, what if I don't like us when

she leaves? We had been married, let's see, at

the time we'd been married 23 years, and when

the person, it was in the car, and what my ears

heard were, what if I don't like you when she

leaves? That was a true marital crisis feeling

at that point. Really thought that suddenly this

stability, this foundation of who I was, the

relationship that we were, that all of that was

crumbling apart. And then we decided, okay, thankfully,

hey, let's talk about this. And I remember sitting

in the bathroom, head in hands, wondering what

are we absolutely going to do about this? And

we didn't know the answer right then, but we

did know that we were going to do something about

this. It was a choice at that moment to be intentional.

How are we going to make sure that the emptiness

doesn't destroy us? And instead, we remain solid

as a couple. And I think we are very much, OK,

we are going to fix this. But when we started

looking at resources to help us, there's just

really not that much out there about the empty

nest part of parenting that phase of life. There's

so many books about. when they're babies, getting

them through the teenage years, getting them

into college. But then it pretty much falls off

until, oh, then there's stuff about retirement.

So we decided, OK, we're going to do something

about that. We're going to start a podcast that

just pretty much is a way for us to stay connected

and journal our First years of this emptiness

living it very much the goal Was not about growth

or downloads or anything like that. It really

was how can we stay connected as a couple? What

is some might choose to go do cooking glasses

together we chose to start a podcast together

and have a essentially a Self -guided therapy

session with each other that we happen to hit

record on and this was almost three years ago

And well, seems to be going strong. So at least

that that seemed to have worked out as a way

to kind of manage that fear of what are we as

a couple going forward? Yeah. And we hear from

so many of our friends and just people that we've

met that listen to it, different topics that

they want us to explore. We are going through

this in real life. And so things come up. It's

not all great all the time. We parenting from

afar is hard, especially when your child is going

through a difficult situation. We our daughter

had a horrible freshman roommate, and that was

very, very hard as parents being she was several

states away from us. Learning how to deal with

that was new to us and just. being able to discuss

that amongst each other and then letting our

listeners hear that and getting feedback that,

oh, my gosh, that helped me with the situation

as well. Yeah, it's just been it's been really

good to ease some of that sorrow that comes with

the emptiness. Yeah. And Debbie, you asked about

process. There's two things that I would. Really

think about is and you're hearing it and what

we're talking about here and it's I said the

word earlier Intentionality like there is absolutely

our process was we are choosing to solve this

and therefore the how came out of that and then

transparency and openness I know a lot of that's

buzzwords, but we were willing to put the struggles

that Clancy's talking about there with our daughter.

We were willing to put the difficulties that

we might be having as a couple. We were willing

to share the challenges of what it means to care

for a parent who is suffering through Alzheimer's.

All of that we chose to share transparently and

that helped connect us and it also has shown

itself to be helping those that are listeners

of The Loud Quiet. Yeah and then about I guess

a year into it, we were both still, Rick had

his career, I had my part -time career that I

did as a working mom. We both decided to leave

both of those behind and just go full force into

this new venture that we have. decided to really

put all of our focus into. And so not only becoming

empty nesters, but now becoming a couple that

works together 24 seven has really been another

big transition in our life that a lot of couples

do not go through. It was an important thing

at that point for us to realize that we weren't

going to run from something. While my career

had started to wane as far as satisfaction and

enjoyment, and I had been a consultant for decades,

and some of that was just starting to lose its

vigor and interest for me, but it was very important

for me. And I suspect for both of us that we

weren't running from what we disliked, but rather

running towards something that we were choosing

back to that intentionality element of it. before

deciding to make this change, had to really understand

what is it that we're actually trying to create?

What does it actually mean to work together?

Now, I will say that what we thought it meant

to work together, what we started, has continued

to evolve over time as we've learned what it

means to work with each other. But that simple

choice of understanding this is what we expect,

are we good with what we expect? Yes, let's go

after it. That was a... That part of the process

was really important to us to make sure we weren't

running from, but we were running to. And it

really adds choosing to do that in the emptiness

has just given us so much freedom. And I would

say to your listeners, if you are in this phase,

really take advantage of that as much as you

can, because you're not tied down to those kids

schedules. And especially now that, yes, we don't

have the typical work schedules that we did.

It has just been so nice to be able to just go

and do and and we really that first year we called

it our year of yes and we really tried to say

yes to so many things even to the point that

we at one point we looked at each other and we're

like okay we may be saying yes to too many things

but it really did help us that first year to

get over that, what are we doing? New identities.

You're transforming those identities as mom and

dad into mentor, coach. It's just, it's a really

big shift that first year of Emptiness Living.

And what's been fantastic about it here in the

end is exactly that. Clancy mentioned at the

very beginning that part of why we did this is

we were not sure how to navigate it. There weren't

a lot of materials available. to understand the

empty nest. What we did find was a lot of how

to survive. Woe is me. How sad is the empty nest?

And here's how you walk through that. Well, that's

what we wanted to make sure that we didn't fall

into that approach. We don't want to just survive

the emptiness. We want to thrive in the empty

nest and that choice. back to intentionality

is something that has really guided us that this

is not something that is the woe is me, but it

is wow is me. What a great opportunity we have

in front of us. Very good. That's all very good

things. So your process was interesting the way

you came about it and how you got to this point.

And that's really what I like to stress on, because

there's a way. to get where anybody there's a

way to get where you are where the person is

at that point in their life whether it's negative

or positive there's always a process but the

process a lot of people think that it continues

which it does because it continues because we

continue to live and people think like when the

process when we die That's when the process is

over. But I feel that there's many different

processes and there's many different things that

people have to go through. And some things have

an ending. Some things continue. Maybe there's

a lesson that I had to learn and I went through

this one thing and I learned the lesson. Now

that's over. Now I continue with something else.

Maybe it's similar. Maybe it's a completely different

thing. And that's kind of the way that you both

explained it, but you put it together into this

emptiness, the starting to get to the ending

part, the result, right, that we have here. So

that's a good thing. So to me, it sounded like

a few different things, events and issues and

stuff that went on. And you put it all together.

So that was very, very good. I really like that.

So how do you feel today based on everything

that we said, based on everything that we just

talked about in this podcast? How do you feel

right now? We're loving life. And it's funny

because our daughter, she is now a senior, so

she still will be home for probably one more

summer. And when she comes home. We're like,

you're cramping our style. You know, it's because

we are now fully into our routine. I told Rick,

with all of the business side of things, we really

feel like the wheel is really starting to move.

You know, it's just things are really in a good

place for us right now. And yeah, it's just things

are good. They really are. and it's sort of a

yes and of they are really good and we know it's

incomplete. Like that's what it feels like right

now is when we were talking about that at the

very beginning of the empty nest, there was almost

a cloudy sort of incomplete vision of can we

do this? Can we get through this? But now we

know we can and we know we're not done. You even

mentioned the idea of there were certain elements

of you do this process for a time and then you

do the next thing and you do the next thing.

We're discovering new things as we go along.

And that's what's got me especially excited.

In addition to what you're describing there,

Clancy, and it's the sense of we're not done

yet. And so if it's as awesome as it is now,

I can't imagine what it's going to be like soon

enough. Yep. And that was excellent. And that's

exactly the point. I think that we're trying

to get to the what we're trying to come across,

what we're trying to say and what the result

of this podcast and our stories, your story,

my story, everybody's story, because everybody

has an individual story, whatever we're going

through. If you feel. that your process is ending

or continuing or chapters. Like I watch a movie

when there's different scenes. I use this analogy

a lot. And then sometimes one scene goes into

another if I'm watching a movie, but sometimes

it doesn't. Sometimes there's a scene and then

the next scene's like a completely different

thing. And then I'm like, OK, now this is happening

in this movie, you know? Yeah. But not not all

movies are like that. Some movies have one story,

one complete story from beginning to end. And

then the end is a lesson. So a lot of times when

I teach this and I speak to people or just having

a conversation, I like to use these types of

analogies and these examples because I want to

find a way where somebody can relate to what

I'm saying. Whatever it is that I'm saying and

a lot of times The best way in my experience

for them to relate to it is to put it in the

simplest terms as possible Because nine times

out of ten they have gonna have no idea what

I'm talking about Because I want to tell them

what they don't know what's gonna help them and

they don't know because that if they knew that

it would help them. They'd be helped. Yeah, absolutely.

Debbie, one of the things that I love about your

movie analogy there and the scenes element of

it is, and I never thought of this until you

said it. So, hey, you just gave us some free

insight there. So thank you for that. I just

got my little nugget. But it's the idea that

this empty nest phase, imagine that being our

movie. And there's all these different scenes

that we're experiencing inside of it. But there's

this one. theme that weaves through. And I think

a lot of movies are that way that you have your

individual scenes, but there's a theme that routes

through the whole thing. There's a story, there's

an arc, there's something that weaves all the

way through. And that idea of thriving is a theme

that is woven all the way through. And I think

that's what's sort of next for us in that process

aspect of it is as we've Really gotten to a better

sense of what that means for us now It's about

how can we make sure that others experience that

just like what you're doing How can others learn

from the stories that that you know in the experiences

that you know That's exactly what we want to

do so that others can not just survive the emptiness

but thrive in the emptiness and have that same

theme of thriving through their movie Through

all the individual scenes that they might have

yeah, and that's why another reason why I do

this type of stuff the the podcast, I have free

lectures in person on video, video conference,

because how can somebody benefit from what I

know? It's not always, I'm a miracle worker.

I'm such a great person. I'm just a person most

of the time, just like everybody else. I look

different. I have short hair or whatever, but

I don't look like an alien. I look like a regular

person, right? So that's how they see me. And

I want to go. Another thing I want to do is I

want to go to their level. So if they're talking

simple terms, I want to talk in simple terms.

If they're an executive and they have higher

knowledge or whatever, I want to maybe speak

like that if I can. And right away, they're going

to say, oh, wow, this is really good. This is

a really good conversation I have because she's

like me, because I can relate to what she's saying

because she's thinking like me. So there's different.

Yeah, there's different things here. And what

you're saying is, like I said, is a very, very

good thing. And how you feel right is today.

Like you described and everything right is the

most important thing because why? Because we

always want it to end with a positive because

this happened I went through this process and

this is how it resulted or it might continue

Like you described or it might be scenes or however

you want to describe it Everybody has a different

story. Okay, but everybody can relate to some

part of a lot of people's stories, right? It's

just a matter of finding that. A lot of times

they find it from a neighbor or they find it

when they're not looking or maybe somebody in

the store. Somebody says, oh, somebody said something

to me, a stranger. And it was like a life changing

moment. I've heard that a lot of times. People

say that that's not uncommon to me. That's a

common thing. So this was very good. So as we

wrap up, this conversation highlights how the

small internal shifts can create meaningful change.

If something from today stayed with you, take

a moment to reflect on how it connects to your

own direction and decision. This has been the

Internal Shift Show. Thank you for listening.

Thank you, Rick and Clancy, for being on the

show. I appreciate it. Thanks for having us.

If anyone resonated with our conversation and

is navigating the emptiness season, we share

more reflections and practical insights on the

Loud Quiet podcast and in our recent book. You

can learn more at theloudquiet .com.