Tigrilla Gardenia: From “Perfect Life” to Real Alignment

Welcome to the Internal Shift Show. I'm Debbie

Longo, Transformational Coach. This show explores

how the way we think, decide, and respond internally

influences where we end up over time. Today's

conversation draws on real experience and expertise

to look at how small internal shifts can change

direction, momentum, and outcomes. I'm joined

today by our special guest, Trigia Gardinia.

Good afternoon. Welcome to the show. Thank you.

Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for

being here. I'm going to ask you to tell a little

bit of your story and point out a life change

event or a traumatic experience or something

like that where you went through a process and

now you came out the other side. So really you're

going basically from negative to positive. That's

like one of the main goals of this podcast. Now

I do this for a few different reasons. And one

main reason is because everybody has their own

individual story, but there are parts of other

people's stories that people can relate to. Maybe

somebody, a listener, is stuck. Maybe they're

in a situation that they're trying to get out

of and they just don't know how. Maybe they're

in a spot where they think that... this is how

it's going to be, you know? So they just try

to make it normal. But everybody's life can always

be better than what it is. So I don't believe

that there is a negative situation. I don't believe

that there's anything that anybody could get

out of. But this is how the individual makes

it for themselves. And another main goal of this

podcast is to show that they don't have to stay

in this space. There's always, always a way out

and people don't have to sit in the negative

and they don't have to sit in places and spots

and situations that they're in that for some

reason they don't want to be in. And once they

do that, They turn their life around and they

see how much better it is, but that's up to the

individual. That's their choice because ultimately

they're the ones that are going to have to reach

out for help and find it somehow in order for

them to change because I can't do it alone. So

I would appreciate if you could do that. Thank

you. Yeah. So thank you so much for having me.

The funny part, as I was thinking when you had,

you know, spoke to me about this, I was trying

to think, okay, what I've had so many life changes.

My life is one continuous sort of change. I was

like, which one do I want to talk about? And

I guess the one I want to talk about first is

kind of the one that kicked off the biggest changes

that have happened in my life. And it's not your

traditional negative to positive story. It's

a false positive to real positive story in the

sense that So I have a very unusual background.

I started, I have a degree in music engineering

and electrical engineering, and I actually left

and got a job at a college where I was working

for the beginning of the internet doing audio

and video online. It was a dream job. There were

so many things about it that I absolutely loved.

And over the course of a few years, I ended up

meeting a man there and got started a relationship.

And he just happened to be kind of at a higher

position than I was. in a similar team. So at

some point, I ended up having to leave the team.

And once I left the team, unfortunately, for

a whole series of different things, I ended up

having to leave the company altogether because

it wasn't going to work. I wasn't going to be

able to find another position. We were always

going to be sort of in this conflict of interest,

especially as our relationship went on and we

eventually got married. It was like all these

things. So I left and I went to Microsoft to

work. For a person looking on the outside, here

I was, a 20 -something year old, my late 20s,

and then going into my early 30s with what looked

like from the outside the perfect husband, because

he was a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man.

A job that was a dream, making really good money

in a field that was like the top of what you

can imagine, tech and the world and Microsoft.

I was miserable, but that kind of eat, love,

pray type miserable where you don't even realize

you're miserable and you just keep saying something

is missing in your life. But when you look around,

you've got the things people tell you. You've

got the good job, you've got the good husband,

you've got the thing. And my only way of combating

this was because, like I had said, I had studied

music engineering, so I have a degree in music.

I started to go back to music. I started singing

again. I would drive 45 minutes during my lunch

hour to go up. I was living in Seattle and I

would go up to Macalteo, which was about a 45

minute drive, in order to take singing lessons

from this woman. And then she encouraged me to

start auditioning. I started doing acting and

like different theater and things like that around

town. And it was, it was filling a void. It was

filling that need for that creative expression

that I had had and that Microsoft wasn't giving

me because My non -compete meant I couldn't go

back into the world of audio and video and creative

expression. I was kind of stuck in a more, actually

I was, I was project managing for Windows itself,

which great team, lots of good work, but very

much, and I'm an organizer, so kind of worked,

but it was, there was a, but I wasn't a performer.

So it was like this weird mix of anyways, to

make a very long story short, my ex -husband

at the time, my husband says to me, I really

would love you to act a little bit less. because

I want you more home more. And I was like, if

I'm home more, I'm going to be even more miserable.

And I got cast in a show where I walked in and

the director was somebody I had worked with in

my first job out doing audio video in real networks.

And he was so excited to see me and I was so

excited to see him. And he cast me right away.

And it turned out to be this like all night dance

party with a show in the middle of it. The point

being was when I started seeing these people,

these to meet kids because they were like four

to six years younger than I was at the time.

With half, if not a quarter of the money that

I had, some of them all living together in like

shared spaces and so happy, like just expressing

themselves. They were creating music and art

and they were building careers that were alternative

to the world that I had grown up in. Because

I had just known, you go to college, then, you

know, and even though I pushed to study an alternative

thing. I was very much a part of the music scene

down in South Florida when I used to live there.

I had worked in with REM. I had done all these

amazing things and then here I am, almost, I

wasn't a soccer mom because I don't have kids,

but I was like living that life. Let's go to

Costco on the weekends and that's your fun. And

it was just like, oh my goodness, what is happening

to me? But how do you leave that when you have

like, Money and a great person who's next to

you, but it's just not your person until the

night of the actual event where I Was building

up to going to the event and my husband says

to me because it was an all -night dance party

It started at 7 p .m. And it ended at 7 a .m.

And my husband says to me He had his children

and he was trying to figure out how he was gonna

go and at some point I looked at him and I said

Please don't come I said don't come And I don't

know if I'm ever coming home again. It was just

like that. Like, I was like, I had it so clear

in my head at that moment that the life that

I was supposed to live was supposed to include

a lot of that tech stuff and everything, but

not in that way. Like, it just wasn't for me.

And with no plan whatsoever, like not a plan

in sight, I just looked at him and I said, I

don't know if I'm coming home in the morning.

And when I came home, I did come home, but when

I came home at like 8 a .m. or 9 a .m. or whatever

it was, he was waiting for me. He had been blowing

up my phone. And I just looked at him and I said,

this isn't my life. Like, it's wonderful. We

travel. We care about each other. It's all these

things. But I can't be stuck in this city for

the next 20 years waiting for your kids to grow

up, which was reasonable, or 10 years, waiting

for them to grow up, which is a reasonable ask.

working this job that I do love on one hand,

but it's not really fulfilling me. And I can't

do the other stuff I want to do because you're

saying to me that you miss me at home. It's not

what I want. And so that's what I did. I basically

blew my life open out of perspective. And six

months later, and then I started hanging out

with these other people. really getting into

performance and understanding that world, which

again is kind of what I had studied in school.

And six months later, I left Microsoft because

I ended up in that process. I ended up at a party

where I met one of the kind of founders of this

movement and I became very close friends. And

then I was talking to him one day and I was telling

him, oh, you should do this and this. He was

an artist. And he's like, why don't you be my

manager? And I was like, I could do that. I could

do that. I did one of my internships as a management

for bands, in a management company for bands.

So I'm like, I can do that. And then all of a

sudden he had an event that was going haywire

and he called me and he's like, why don't we

start a production company and just do this?

And I was like, you know what? I walked into

my office and I looked at my boss and I said,

this is my two weeks notice. I'm going to be

gone in two weeks because I'm going to go start

a production company and I'm going to start producing

events. And I'm going to get back to my creative

roots, which I knew it wasn't necessarily being

on stage, but I knew that the creative world

was the world that I needed to go in. And this

ended up cascading for me through a whole series

of events. I started to produce large events,

the events got bigger. I then eventually ended

up dating somebody else who wanted to go on tour.

I co -owned a circus in the middle of that because

I was good at managing things. And then I got

my partner wanted to go on tour with Cirque du

Soleil and I manifested it and made it happen.

And so I left the United States. That was almost

20 years ago now. And I just started a whole

different life that was about performance and

art and magic and got back into my spiritual

roots. And that has been my guiding star ever

since. Even though I work a lot with technology

and I work a lot with people and I work now with

plants, so I'm a nature -inspired mentor and

a life coach, but that creative, neurodivergent,

multi -passionate thread has always been there.

And it's that's been once I let that be my guiding

star, everything changed. Yeah, that was good.

Thank you. That was very good. So it sounds like

you just followed your heart. You followed your

soul and you basically knew what you wanted and

you were solid in your brain that you were going

to do this. And to me, that's a very unique gift.

that a person has because I can easily get clouded

with fear, denial, this is the way it's gonna

be, I'll never fulfill my dreams, all that negativity.

And you just cut through all of that. Whether

you originally had that, I don't know, but to

me, everybody has it at some point, even if it's

just a little bit, just doubt. That's really

what it is. It's just basic doubt for whatever

reason. But either way, it really sounds like

that. But my question is you're saying that you

wanted to do this and you did it, right? But

did you have any help, any guidance, any professional

help? Did you have, did somebody guide you in

a certain direction? Did somebody speak to you

about this? How did it come about? where you

really were able to go. This is before you went

onto this path of producing and all these things.

So I'm kind of filling it in in the middle because

then that's gonna take you to this place that

what we just mentioned and everything. What happens

in between that time that got you to that place

of producing and the circus and where you wound

up at that point in your life? Yeah, I think

that there was two kinds of help that I got that

this let me actually three so three kind of different

help that I got that I I think for a person with

my Mentality the way my my mind works was fundamental

One is going to sound so strange, but like I

said, I graduated from college, so around whatever,

22. And I went to a, like one of those like women's,

and somehow in my senior year or something like

that, I went to one of those like women's trade

shows type stuff or women's conference. And I

ended up meeting a broker and I started working

with her. I don't know why I didn't have that

much money and I didn't know what I was going

to do. But the money that I did have, I kind

of felt like, okay, I think I need to get some

help because my family is a family of saver.

Like my mother is a saver, but she doesn't really

know how to spend it. But she also doesn't know

how to multiply it or produce it or anything

like that. She was just somebody who kind of

went step by step and felt comfortable. I was

not like that. Like I'm not a big spender. I'm

also a saver, but I didn't feel comfortable.

So I actually got a broker very young. And when

I moved to Seattle, transferred that to a different

company and worked with my broker to set things

up. So there was a I know it doesn't sound like

the coaching type of world, but actually for

me it was fundamental because it gave me a sense

of security that allowed me to experiment with

other things and know I was safe. I was one of

those people that kind of like when I was working

in tech maxed out my 401k and was always putting

a little bit into this brokerage account, was

made investments with the thought of the long

term. But I also knew that in the case of an

emergency, like when I left Microsoft, I started

producing events. I didn't know if they were

going to make money. As a matter of fact, I didn't.

I lost a lot of money at the very beginning.

But there was this nest egg that I had built.

that I knew I could play with. And I had my broker

that I could rely on to call up and be like,

where am, like, how am I? Am I, should I be panicking

and go find a job right now? Or am I safe? Like

those types of things. So one was financial advice,

which I think when we're trying to make life

changes or for a person who safety doesn't come

internally necessarily at the very beginning

for a person like me having that safety sitting

there. Was really important to me just like it

was not burning necessarily bridges and getting

you know That kind of the second one is I had

had a phase right before right as I was meeting

my my what what became my husband was Therapy

like I actually went to real like therapy Which

it was a therapist that I think it if I was to

have met him today was more like a coach with

a little bit more training which was excellent

and I felt so important because he helped me

put like for example he helped me at the time

when we weren't using the words like neurodivergent

or anything like that but he helped me understand

that my mind worked in a different way and just

again, make me feel really comfortable. I also

have body dysmorphia, so there was a lot of different

little things that were happening. And he helped

me, and I worked with him for a long time, to

really put those things in perspective. And I

think that that was another element that gave

me the possibility to start to understand myself

beyond just my own thought process. The third

element, which is, oh, sorry, very quickly, the

third element that I think has stayed with me

for my entire life, even though I've had lots

of other help in other aspects, is I really lean

on my community. Like, I like to learn from peers

and, like, elders in the community. I don't have

any problem with asking people for help. I'm

very proudful in, like, the basic stuff. So I

do admit that I have a, like, there's certain

things, which is why I have a professional like

a broker. I would never go ask for money advice

for my general friends. for lots of different

reasons and more likely because they're going

to give you bad advice as opposed to a professional.

So my philosophy has always been if it's a learned

experience and life experience, I lean on my

community. And if it's something where you need

a professional, whether it's later in life when

I've worked with. business coaches and life coaches

and when I've worked with therapists in many

different things. If it is something where I

need somebody who is unbiased, who is not going

to give me their experience, but is going to

help me see where I need to go, I want to work

with a professional. And if it's somebody who

can show me how they did it or what they've learned

from it or how things like that. then I go to

the people in my community and I love to exchange

with them and really get into it and understand

that. So my mind really works in those ways.

Yeah, that was very good, definitely. So it seems

like some things were already there and some

things you sought out. And these avenues that

you chose, you just knew that somehow, some way...

You knew that this was going to take you in the

exact direction that you wanted to go into. Now,

there are plenty of movie stars and music stars

also. And they say they have their life story

on television, right? In a movie. And they show

them as like a very small child, like a five

-year -old or something. And the kid tells the

father or the parent or whatever, I want to be

like a music superstar, you know? And they know

when they're five years old and it's 100 % true,

it comes true. And the parents laugh because

every kid says that. But this is why some people

really have it in them. But here's the thing

with that. Everybody has something that they

want to accomplish inside of them. Now, just

to go a little bit beyond what you're saying,

I don't want to get too involved, but things

for me, I believe, are planned. Some things aren't.

A lot of things are, though. And we always have

a positive path to go on. I believe there's many

different paths. Some people say you live, you

are on the path, and then you die. I don't really

believe that. I believe that there's many, because

a human being has the ability to think for themselves

and make their own decisions. Nobody can force

me to do anything. So there's always a dream,

a goal, positive path, something that we could

become, right? I believe is always there. Now,

whether that person decides to choose it or go

in that direction, some people do, some people

don't. That's completely up to the individual

and that's not everybody wants to have stories

a lot of stories of people that I know that have

done this type of stuff but why can't somebody

go to and you're a good example of this go to

not the extreme but do something that is extremely

uncomfortable. for themselves at one point in

their life so they could get to really where

their dream or where they think or where they

could just imagine or something, right? Where

that is, where they could be. And there are tons

of things, I've done this for a long time, because

I'm a coach also, like I said, and there are

tons of ways that I've helped people that...

all these different things that are holding people

back. And people know that, like you just said,

this is not the life they want to live. This

is not the career that they want to be in. But

you are a very, very inspiring story because,

like I said, you took the step just knowing you

used the resources that you had. Some were there,

some you sought out. And you took that step and

you did that. But why can't somebody do that

if anybody, your average Joe, more people than

what do it now because of maybe denial, fear,

anger. I don't need to move forward. But if a

person can do that and they could take even just

the next step from where they are now, let's

say they're stuck. And I know tons of people

that this is true for tons of people. Let's just

say they're stuck. just take the next step. I

know that they will be a thousand times more

happier and their life will dramatically change

just from taking one positive step forward. And

how do I know this? From the proof of years,

25 years that I've been doing this and working

with people and helping people do this. I've

seen it. I've seen it in myself also. Because

I'm a success story too, like you are. I have

my own story. So this is what one of the reasons

why I do this. It's an inspiring story. It's

something to achieve. And that is, to me, is

very important because maybe somebody doesn't

know. Maybe somebody could just listen to this

podcast and say, wow, if I take one extra step

in a positive direction, somebody says to me,

you should ask for a promotion at your job. or

you should look for another job, just one extra

step, my life could be totally different. And

maybe they didn't know that. So these are all

different things that are very, very interesting.

And when I have guests and I do this in different

things, I always try to point out different points

that we talk about, because like I said, Everybody

has their own individual story, but there are

always things, even if they could be similar.

I have three or four podcasts where I say the

same thing, basically. So they could be similar

or they could be different. But these things

to point out is always gonna take me into a positive

direction. So this is good. I just wanted to

add something. I think another element that I

think is really important is... For some people,

they're going to have a vision of something.

I am not, I actually have a fantasia, which means

I don't actually have images in my mind. So I

actually never have had a... absolute vision

of like, I'm going to take a step to go there.

And I think that that's another thing that hurts

many people where they think they can't take

steps or they can't get out of situations that

they're in because they don't have a clear thing.

What I did have, which is what I work with a

lot of people now, like my clients, one of the

big things that I work on is what's the elements?

the way that you express your life. In other

words, for example, I knew probably from a young

age, I used to say before now I filled the sentence

out, but my earliest memory of like a personal

vision statement was I make the dreams of others

come true. Like that was a big piece of me. And

for a while I was able to justify a lot of the

work that I was doing like at Microsoft and stuff

saying, well, I'm probably making somebody's

vision come true. But honestly, I realized that

The sentence, the completion of that sentence

was to take, I make the dreams of others come

true by helping them get from where they are

to where they want to be. And part of the way

I do that is by literally accompanying them,

by creating a super, super, super safe space

and accompanying them, which is what I discovered

when I started to produce events. My events were

unusual, but what everybody always knew was that

once they stepped through the doors, this space

was so safe to them. was like, and it wasn't

just security type safe. It was energetically

safe. It was physically safe for women. It was

safe so that they could just let go of the masks,

even if it was just for one night and do that.

And it's a theme of like helping people create

a safe space that is so safe, whether I do it

in one on one coaching or not, that you can pull

the mask off for a second and then figure out

what your essence is. So my essence might be

to bridge you from one place to another. And

I do that in many, and I've done that in many,

many, many different ways. I think sometimes

you won't know where you want to go, but you

might, you'll figure out instead, what is it

that you need to, what's the function that you

carry and that you want to express? And whether

you know how to do that, you just know you're

not doing it where you are. And so, like you

said, that's what gives you the impetus to take

a step. Not a step because I know that that next

step is the perfect step. but a step because

it gets me out in a direction where I can make

something change. And hopefully that'll help

me express what I'm in. Our world is so filled

with fear and conditioning, our separation, all

these different aspects that make us conditioned

to believe that you're supposed to work in this

way. And for some people, that's great. That

structure works. I work with neurotypicals. I

work with multi -passionate, multi -potentialized

type people. Like their ideas are scattered all

over the freaking world. Like one day they want

to be a painter, the next day they want to be

a carpenter, the next day they want to be a roller

skating star, the next day they want to do this.

And I help them see that there's actually a continuing

thread between that, because it's not about the

thing you do. Doesn't matter what you're leaving

for. It's the thing you express. That, if you

get there, you can change 10 ,000 times, but

you'll always be happy in it. Yeah, yeah. That's

a very, very good point. Do you ever hear the

first step is a giant step? How do you feel now,

right this second, based on... this whole podcast,

everything that we just spoke about and all the

whole story and everything that you told, how

do you feel right now? Proud, like of myself,

not of anybody else, of that trust and of that

belief, which in a time when I really didn't

have like, it wasn't like my self -esteem was

through the fricking roof at the time, but there

was an underlying trust that that step was gonna

take me somewhere, even if it was in the unknown.

and that fear, like feeling that I was going

to find the support I needed and then like step

into that. Also, I did really follow what were

the things that I was missing. Like the other

piece I was missing was friendships and community.

That was something that my ex -husband, it wasn't

a big important piece of his. And I was like,

how can I spend the rest of my life with a man

that one -on -one were great? But God, that would

be lonely. I was just like, that's not what I

want. And so just proud to be able to say, even

in a time when my self -esteem wasn't through

the roof, I still knew that there were some things

that I wasn't willing to live the rest of my

life without. I didn't know how I was going to

get them, but all I knew is that I had to try.

Yeah, that's very good. That's a very, very good

way to close. But in closing, I would like to

say that anybody could get through anything.

They don't have to be stuck. But again, that

is, I can't help anybody that doesn't want to

help. Absolutely. The person needs to reach out

and take the warning signs and do what they need

to do for themselves, or not, or not. And again,

right, I did it, you did it, all the other podcasts

I have there, and they all did it. Now it's up

to you as the listener to take that step and

do it, because my life, I know my life is different

now, obviously, but anybody's life can be better

than what it is now. And that is such a positive,

inspiring thing, really, for me to say. So, all

right, so. As we close, this conversation is

a reminder that progress really comes from one

big decision, but from the internal choices we

repeat. If something from today's discussion

connected with you, take a moment to notice how

those internal choices showed up in your own

life. This has been the Internal Shift Show.

Thank you for listening and thank you for being

on the show. I appreciate it. Thank you for having

me.